


Saving Flowers

by chunni



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Dirty Talk, Drug-Induced Sex, Dubious Consent, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Lightsaber Battles (Star Wars), M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Minor Padmé Amidala/Anakin Skywalker, Politics, Possessive Anakin Skywalker, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, mentions of mpreg but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 27,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29565150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chunni/pseuds/chunni
Summary: There are no omegas in the Jedi Order, they say.When Obi-Wan and Anakin are sent to guard the Senator of Gatalenta, it should have been an easy mission. However, nothing ever goes as planned. Obi-Wan has to pay for something he has no control over.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi/Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 108
Kudos: 299





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I've never thought I'd write a story set in the alpha/beta/omega-verse but this plotbunny kept popping up in my mind and I couldn't let go of it :P [I apologise to my other Star Wars fanfic in progress.]
> 
> I don't know much about the trope (I've never liked it that much), which is why some of the dynamics might play out differently than in other stories. This also isn't a mpreg story even though there are mentions of it. There is smut, of course, but the focus is more on the conflict-ridden relationship between Obi-Wan and Anakin and the problematic aspects of a world with such strict labels and rules regarding them. I had way too many thoughts about the worldbuilding in this story :') 
> 
> Wookieepedia was and is my best friend while writing this story but I'm only human, please tell me if you find any glaring mistakes. I'm always open for concrit (and also always looking for beta readers)! The story (apart from the prologue) is set during the fourth season of The Clone Wars. You'll see why. I've written 45k words so far [9 chapters] and I guess it'll be about 70k in the end. I'm going to upload one chapter per week but when I'm finished with the story it'll be more often. Let's see if I can keep to that schedule :P 
> 
> [Please read and mind the tags in regards to warnings. Don't read the story if you're triggered by any of them, please take care of yourself. Also, it's E-rated for a reason.]

~

**1**

~

**_Prologue_ **

~

Obi-Wan was thirteen years old when a whisper in the night tore apart everything he thought to know about the Jedi Order. 

He had always known there were differences between the beings in the galaxy, differences beyond looks and culture and language. It was something you didn’t need to get explained. It was ingrained in your very being and daily life, a part of the world as natural as the stars in the sky.

The vague feeling of separation changed into more concrete knowledge as Obi-Wan grew older and more curious, ready to ask and get answers. He learned there were not only males and females. There were other, more important labels: alphas, betas, and omegas.

Only omegas could carry children. The first thing Obi-Wan noticed about them was their soft, flowery smell that made his nose tingle. They were gentle and friendly, always ready to help, or maybe those were just the omegas he had met. He could count the ones he had met on one hand. _They are no omegas among the Jedi_ , they told them in biology class. Usually, force-sensitive beings presented as betas or alphas, disproportionally to the general population of the galaxy.

Frankly, Obi-Wan had been relieved at hearing that. He didn’t like the way they were talking about omegas, with this snobby, dismissive tone, as if they were inferior in some way, or maybe just not as important. He didn’t feel like he would want to be an omega.

Alphas, well, they were another thing altogether. Some of the best Jedi at the temple – Qui-Gon Jinn, Mace Windu, Plo Koon, Dooku - were alphas, that much he had gathered. Alphas were strong and skilful fighters, wise, true guardians and protectors. Every youngling at the temple wanted to be an alpha growing up and it wasn’t difficult to see why.

While there were many more betas and a few extraordinary Jedi among them, such as Master Yoda himself, the alpha Jedi all excelled in some way or another. It was easy to think you just needed to present as an alpha and the wisdom, experience, and skill would come with it as a logical consequence, just as the day came after the night.

As they often frequented the Temple, Obi-Wan knew much more about alphas. They smelled differently as well, the polar opposite to omegas. It was a strong, slightly unpleasant and yet highly intriguing scent, musk and earth and something that made him turn his head at whoever alpha was walking past him, that installed a strange restlessness in him for a few heartbeats. There was something about them that demanded respect.

Who didn’t present as either an alpha or an omega was a beta. Those were the normal ones, the boring ones, or so the other younglings were saying. They didn’t have a certain smell or any other characteristic features. But maybe that wasn’t so bad, Obi-Wan thought whenever his mind wandered into that direction. It sounded better than whatever those omegas had.

He liked to think he knew enough about the topic. Though, the truth was he didn’t really know what those labels meant and how much power they could hold over your life, at least not until that fateful night shortly after he had become Qui-Gon’s Padawan. It was the night he learnt what happened to the Padawans who, against all odds, presented as omegas.

He couldn’t sleep, was still too excited from the events of the day. When you became a Padawan, every corner of the Temple was glowing in a new light and every path was leading to a new adventure to explore. His first real mission was a bonfire in his mind and the pictures of the last days didn’t stop popping up in his mind. It was annoying but nothing he couldn’t deal with. After turning around for the fourth time without being able to fall asleep, Obi-Wan got up to go outside to meditate or maybe just to take a few deep breaths of fresh air.

It was when he was walking through one of the dimly lit hallways that he noticed voices coming from behind the next corner. He froze on the spot, frowning, until curiosity got the better of him and he leaned forward to take a glimpse.

“... don’t know w-what’s happening,” a Twi’lek girl he didn’t know whimpered with a shaky voice. He made out her Padawan braid, so she couldn’t be much older than him. Her blue skin was glistening in the moonlight, if of sweat or tears Obi-Wan couldn’t say. There was an older, male Jedi with her, though he was standing in the shadows and it was impossible to tell who he was. That was until he spoke.

“I know,” Qui-Gon Jinn said with his warm, understanding voice and Obi-Wan wondered how he couldn’t have noticed his familiar presence in the Force before. Maybe it was because of the smell, he mused, resisting the urge to rub his nose. It was thick in this hallway, flowery and sweet, too sweet, almost rotten. He grimaced, trying not to gag, until he remembered that this smell had a familiar note after all, that he _knew_ it. Only that it was now that much stronger. It was an omega’s scent.

_Huh_ , he thought. She must be pretty special. After all, there were no omegas in the Order. That was probably why she was confused – they didn’t really learn what it meant to be an omega here. Obi-Wan wondered what she was going through, regretting he hadn’t paid more attention to his classes. He would have liked to help her, to console her.

“It isn’t dangerous,” Qui-Gon continued. “It’s a natural evolution of your body… you don’t need to be afraid. Take a few deep breaths... yeah, like that... that’s good, all right. You’ll be fine.”

The rustling of clothes, then his Master’s voice again.

“Here, take this. It’ll help suspend what’s called a heat for a day or two until you know how to get through it.”

“Thank you, Master,” the girl said, still out of breath. “I... I think I should go back to sleep.”

Obi-Wan felt his stomach twist. Something changed, like rain clouds arising to cover the sky, and maybe it was the Force warning him. Something urged him to run, to run and never look back. He was frozen, though, unable to avert his gaze, let alone walk away.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible, young one,” Qui-Gon said. “You’ll have to come with me… your place isn’t with the Order anymore. You have to leave.”

“W-what?” The girl was sobbing once more, fear and shock all too obvious in her voice. Obi-Wan felt his heart clench as her feelings unfurled in the Force like a hurricane. “I... I don’t understand. D-did-did I do anything wrong?! W-why... w-why...”

Qui-Gon sighed and he sounded more exhausted than he had ever had before. “No, you didn’t. It’s... well, it’s better this way. Trust me. I’ll explain everything, I promise you that… now, please follow me...”

Obi-Wan didn’t need to hear more. He almost stumbled over his own feet trying to get back to his room as quickly as possible. He didn’t feel like going outside anymore but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, maybe even less than before.

Now he knew why there were no omegas in the Order. They weren’t allowed. They were cast away as soon as they presented, just as this poor girl. Obi-Wan swallowed hard, a pang of irrational fear running through him. There was no place for omegas here, it seemed.

The next day, after a short period of nightmares and a long period of struggling to find answers to question that didn’t have any, Qui-Gon wanted to talk to him in private. Obi-Wan realised what an utter fool he had been.

“I noticed you were up late last night…,” his Master began, only to let the silence speak for itself. Obi-Wan could feel his cheeks heat up with the speed of a hyperdrive engine. Qui-Gon didn’t need to say more. Obi-Wan wanted to bury his face in a pillow, or his hands at least, and he clenched them to keep them still. Of course, his Master had felt him standing there in the Force - his shock must have been like a beacon in the night, even next to the girl’s even greater one.

Obi-Wan grimaced, resisting the urge to rub his neck. He didn’t try to deny it, that would have been even more ridiculous. Instead, he opened his trembling lips and spoke, looking everywhere but at Qui-Gon.

“Why... why does she have to leave the Order, Master? Is it really that bad to be an omega?”

Qui-Gon was silent for a long while and Obi-Wan held his breath while he waited, his heart thumping in his ears. The wind was blowing through his short air with the gentleness of a feather’s touch. Finally, there was a sigh.

“You’re really young, Obi-Wan. You shouldn’t have seen that but I understand you have questions and I will try to answer them.”

There was a hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently, and Obi-Wan allowed himself to look up again. Qui-Gon’s gaze was distant, the lines of his face somewhat more tense than usual.

“You probably know a couple consisting of an alpha and an omega is different than, let’s say two betas... when an alpha and an omega... decide to be together, they form a bond that only grows stronger. This bond is useful… it helps the alpha keep their omega safe… it can help find them, connects the two of them on a much more... intimate level than the Force. It helps them support each other. You can think of it as a ribbon tying them together.”

_Or a chain_ , Obi-Wan couldn’t help but think, shuddering. He cleared his throat. “All right, but I still don’t understand why the omega girl has to leave because of that. She doesn’t have to be bound to anyone, does she? And even if she does, it wouldn’t keep her from fighting… it shouldn’t keep her from becoming a Jedi.”

“She could fight, yes. But she would be at a much greater risk. Omegas aren’t supposed to fight, they bear children… they’re the only ones who can. It’s… healthy for them to find a bond mate. Omegas without a mate usually die in their middle age… and it’s also riskier for their alphas. Imagine them fighting together – the alpha would constantly worry about their omega, unable to reach their full potential.” Qui-Gon gave him a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. “Let me assure you the majority of the omegas who leave the Order don’t regret it when they’re older.”

Obi-Wan felt a cold shiver run down his spine. _What about the ones that do?_ he thought, though he couldn’t bring himself to say the words out loud. Qui-Gon let out a sigh, just the same as the night before.

“At least that’s what I’m supposed to tell you,” he murmured. “To be honest, I believe there should be a better solution to this problem. Things aren’t only black or white, Padawan, don’t forget that… still, as long as the Council and our society don’t change their minds about the matter, Padawans and Jedi who present as omegas have to leave the Order. You shouldn’t worry about it now. You’ll only present in a couple of years, don’t beat yourself up about it.”

Obi-Wan nodded even though his stomach was still twisting slightly. At least his Master was theoretically against it. He didn’t know what he would have done if Qui-Gon had told him he didn’t see a problem in forcing Padawans to leave the Order for such a ridiculous reason.

“Well, do you have any more question?”

Obi-Wan moved to shake his head until a thought popped up in his mind and made him open his mouth once more.

“I thought Jedi aren’t allowed to form attachments… if this bond is healthy… why is it forbidden?”

An amused sparkle appeared in Qui-Gon’s eyes.

“It isn’t, at least not entirely,” he said. “The Council would lose half of their best Jedi if they denied them their mates. If you’re an alpha, you’re allowed to take an omega as mate. The omegas you met, the ones you might have seen at the Temple, they’re the mates of Jedi. They don’t want you Padawans to get the wrong ideas, that’s why this rule isn’t more well-known. They probably don’t like me telling you that either.”

He chuckled to himself but Obi-Wan couldn’t quite bring himself to join him.

That day he went to bed wishing there were no alphas, omegas, or betas. He had always thought he, as a force-sensitive being, could only be one of two things, preferably an alpha to be like his great Master. Though, he wouldn’t be ashamed to be a beta either.

Now, however, after seeing that Twi’lek, after talking to Qui-Gon, the looming threat that he might be an omega after all intruded his mind like a storm and stripped away every one of his shields, keeping him twisting and turning at night, his eyes wide and terrified. He didn’t want to leave the Order and the idea of walking away from it only to bear children for someone he might not even like and didn’t know yet made him feel ill. There was nothing good about the idea. He didn’t even want to have children.

Qui-Gon was wrong. There was no comfort in knowing he might have a few more years until he presented because every moment of ignorance was torture. He felt like a Kod’yok waiting to be freed or slaughtered. Every day brought him closer to the day he might present, every day increased the anxiety pooling in his stomach whenever he didn’t manage to will it away by meditating. It was a flood that couldn’t be stopped.

When he did present, it was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because he didn’t have to think about the sword of Damocles above his head anymore. A curse because the sword was already cutting his head straight off his shoulders.

Obi-Wan was almost eighteen years old when he presented as an omega. He had read enough books about the matter to know the symptoms and yet he still found himself trying to rationalise them away, simply because his mind was unwilling to accept this reality.

Though, when he felt the third wave of arousal sending tinging shivers through his body, a hazy fog clouding his mind, he couldn’t deny it anymore. Maybe he had always known, ever since that night with the Twi’lek girl. It was hard to breathe and the floor seemed to dissolve beneath his feet, but as a Jedi Knight to be he had learned to stay calm, even in situations he might rather want to break down. It was lucky he had only presented this late. Maybe he wouldn’t have been able to save himself otherwise.

He knew he had to think fast. If he went out, everyone would smell the omega inside of him and they would know. They would frown upon him and they wouldn’t hesitate to send him away, forcing him to leave behind the only family he had ever known to find a mate and live an unhappy, child-bearing life, and he knew there was no way he could let that happen. He had already made that decision five years ago. He would rather die.

That was why he, fighting back tears brought by his sensitised state, deeply ashamed but determined just as much, called the only person that might be able to help him. The only person he could bear to see.

To say Qui-Gon Jinn was surprised was an understatement. Maybe he had just closed his eyes before the truth because he couldn’t believe his gifted Padawan might not be destined to be a Jedi. Maybe he had wanted this to happen just as little as Obi-Wan himself.

Still, he didn’t have much hope – after all, he had witnessed his Master sending away a Padawan first-hand. However, he also remembered their talk and he knew Qui-Gon was having doubts about the matter. Maybe, just maybe, he could use that in his favour. He had to try at least. If he didn’t try, his life would be doomed anyway. It was his only hope.

“I won’t leave the Order,” he rasped, back pressed into the corner of the room, arms slung around his knees as he tried to withstand what his body was urging him to do.

Qui-Gon’s scent, an alpha’s scent, seemed to engulf him like a sea, asking him to take a dive, and yet he knew he would only drown if he dared to do so. He couldn’t give in to the ache, he was stronger than that. He was a Jedi, that was his destiny, he knew that and he was holding onto that thought and he was somehow able to speak.

“Y-you have to help me. There must be something I can do. I don’t care if I die young... I could die in a fight just as well. I don’t want to find a mate o-or… anything like that. You know me. Don’t you think I deserve to have a say in this matter?”

Qui-Gon sighed in a groaning, almost angry way. He pinched the bridge of his nose and Obi-Wan thought he had never seen that much anguish in his Master’s face.

“There’s... something you can do.”

He didn’t leave the Order, against all odds.

Qui-Gon was the one to get him the pills, one before he went to sleep and a second one after he woke up for the rest of his life. It was a small price to pay for a free life, Obi-Wan thought. They were suppressants, meant to stop him from going into heat and to mask his scent.

They told everyone he was a beta and nobody asked second questions even if they might find the shadows beneath Obi-Wan’s eyes suspicious. Obi-Wan couldn’t have been more grateful. He learned to smile and relax again. Every day was a gift because he knew he could have ended up on the streets, exploited and degraded, just as well. He always bought the small package of pills in advance, sometimes asking Qui-Gon to do so to avoid drawing attention to himself. He always used the Force to make the sellers forget about him.

After his Master’s death he was even more determined to make him proud and he thought he could. He thought there was nothing standing in his way anymore. He killed a Sith and got knighted, praised by the same Jedi that would have condemned him if they had known the truth.

Anakin Skywalker became first his Padawan and then his best friend and the older he grew the less suspicious everyone around him was, the less he thought about his faked biology. The pill was a part of his life, part of his daily routines, and often he didn’t even have to consciously remind himself to take it. He hadn’t had nights of anxiety and fears in years. After all, everything had worked out so far, why should that suddenly change?

The only day he let down his guard was the day that plunged everything into ruin, leaving only burning remains.

~


	2. Gatalenta

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the subscribtions, kudos and comments! They never fail to make me smile :) I hope you'll enjoy this chapter. Did I mention this was supposed to be a smutty short story and then the plot happened? Ha, yeah...
> 
> [Also: I switch between the POVs -> the next chapter will be from Obi-Wan's point of view again]

~

**2**

~

**_Gatalenta_ **

~

The mission should have been easy. As a matter of fact, they had been assigned to it _because_ it was easy, to give them a break from the war. The Council’s idea of a vacation, no doubt. Anakin wasn’t complaining. After Zygerria, the serene and loving planet of Gatalenta felt like walking into a dream.

It was nice to be alone with Obi-Wan for once, as much as he missed Ahsoka who had stayed behind to recover from a recent injury. It reminded him of simpler, better times, before his mother’s death, before the war had plunged the galaxy into chaos.

Officially, they were travelling to the planet to guard the Gatalentan Senator on his way home and back to Courscant a few days later when an important vote would be held. Unofficially, they had two days to relax on one of the last planets that wasn’t overrun by clone and droid armies yet. He almost wished Padmé were here with them.

Anakin smiled when they left the shuttle and the suns’ rays warmed his face. He felt good – contrary to his old Master, it seemed. Obi-Wan barely lifted a brow, let alone grin. His eyes didn’t take in the capital as they crossed the main plaza, a beautiful, with jewels decorated piece of art, yes, he was hardly looking at the white, towering buildings and the people surrounding them as they followed the Senator. His brows were furrowed, his head lowered in thought.

It shouldn’t have been surprising. Obi-Wan liked to overthink. They were always too many thoughts in his mind, too many questions seeking answers, and sometimes that was an advantage. It was what made him such a great strategist, but it also made him blind when it came to letting go of ideas and relaxing.

“I can almost hear the cogs turning in your head, Master,” Anakin whispered, stepping closer to him. “It’s annoying. What is it you don’t like about this planet?”

Obi-Wan cast a disapproving glance at him. “Quiet, Anakin. We’ll have enough time to talk later. Be patient.”

Anakin pursed his lips, resisting the urge to cross his arms. He considered repeating his question in a louder voice, though he still had enough of a good mood to follow Obi-Wan’s wish. Order. Whatever. It didn’t matter. Those words had only been a mask for what was really bothering him anyway.

It took a strange speech made entirely of rhymes, a delicious but sadly minimalistic dinner, and a few conversations with people whose faces he couldn’t remember until he was finally able to talk to Obi-Wan in private.

Obi-Wan excused himself to drink his cup of praised Gatalentan tea on the palace’s balcony and Anakin seized the opportunity. He politely turned down a dark-haired, fox-eyed woman, who seemed to be more interested in his reputation and good looks than in him but was strangely persistent for such superficial reasons, and hid in the crowd before she could follow him.

When he joined Obi-Wan on a bench made of white stone, the sky was already changing into a soft pink, inviting the night to reign over them.

Obi-Wan didn’t show a reaction even though he must have noticed him. He was watching the setting suns with an empty expression and the last light brought out the red in his hair more than usual, making it glimmer like flames. _He has no right to be that handsome_ , Anakin thought, strangely mesmerised until he managed to turn his head away.

He waited but the silence stretched on and he rolled his eyes, letting out a low groan. That much to reliving better times. He glanced at Obi-Wan, trying to make sense of his behaviour. When he looked into the Force, reaching for a familiar presence, he only met a wall. How unfair.

“You still owe me an answer to my question,” he said.

Obi-Wan stopped sipping his tea to raise a brow, just barely turning his head into his direction.

“Ah… I do, don’t I?” He let out a small laugh, though it didn’t sound half as convincing as it could have been. “I didn’t know you were still waiting for that. It was really just a thought I had, you know. Nothing important.”

“Well, then you surely don’t mind sharing it with me?”

Obi-Wan froze for just a moment too long.

“When you insist…” He shrugged. “I noticed the planet’s population is… different, that’s all. It’s, well, it’s unusual. I was surprised.”

“Different?” Anakin frowned. He felt as if he were missing something and he hated that feeling. Why couldn’t Obi-Wan stop talking in riddles? “I don’t know… we’ve seen stranger things.”

“Didn’t you…?” Obi-Wan must have seen the confusion in his face because he cut himself off, the barest hint of pink on his cheeks. He exhaled slowly, directing his gaze at the sky again. “I was talking about… their biology, you know. A lot of them are omegas, the majority even… I think it’s strange. That’s all.”

“Oh.” Anakin raised his brows. Now that he was thinking about it… Obi-Wan was right. When he breathed in, there was a sweet scent hanging in the air, sending a tingling shiver down his spine, and looking back, many of the people they had passed by had been omegas and many of them had been staring at him. He had thought it was because he was a war hero but maybe there was another reason as well.

The woman from before had also been an omega, he remembered. He hadn’t really been paying attention to it but it was explaining her behaviour. She had been uncomfortably clingy but maybe she would soon go into heat, maybe she had been curious, guided by her subconsciousness. Omegas were known to flock to alphas. It was their nature. He couldn’t blame her for that, especially when there weren’t many alphas on this planet.

That was probably why he felt so good. Alphas to rival him were scarce and there was a large number of possible mates instead. His lips curled into a smirk.

“I’m a rarity here,” he pointed out gleefully. “Maybe I should start a cult. What do you think, Master? Do I look like a god to you? I know at least one Gatalentan girl who’d gladly worship me.”

Obi-Wan scoffed. “You really shouldn’t have come here… your ego’s big enough as it is. Have you ever heard of modesty?”

“Why be modest when you can be great?” Anakin joked.

He knew he should stop teasing him but it was just too much fun and he knew Obi-Wan could never stay angry with him for long. They were a team, they always returned to each other, and being at his side felt as natural as being an alpha. This time Obi-Wan didn’t bother to answer but only rolled his eyes. The lines of his face were less tense, though, his lips twitching as if he had to keep himself from smiling.

“You’re only envious,” Anakin added. “If you were an alpha, they’d be all over you as well…”

His grin faded somewhat, the thought remaining in his mind even after he had spoken it out loud. He furrowed his brows.

“That always seemed strange to me, to be honest…,” he said. “You really shouldn’t be a beta.”

It was a joke. He thought the amusement in his voice was obvious, if not that, then his smile and gestures would surely spell it out.

That was why the expression in Obi-Wan’s eyes was like a slap in the face. To be fair, it wasn’t such a big reaction. If Anakin hadn’t known him that well, he might not have noticed anything out of the ordinary.

He knew him, though, he had spent enough time fighting by his side to read even the tiniest twitch of his brow in the correct way, and that was why he couldn’t miss the flicker of nervousness, of fear, in his pale blue eyes.

“Uh, you know… it’s because you’re more like an alpha,” Anakin attempted to save the conversation but it was like trying to glue a severed hand back on the body. Impossible. He turned away. “Well, forget that. What… what do you want to do tomorrow? We could visit this famous canyon…”

Obi-Wan sighed, the sound a bit breathless, a bit shaky. He placed a hand against his forehead as if trying to shield his eyes from the sun. “Ask me tomorrow, Anakin. I’m… I’m really tired. I think I just want to go to sleep.”

With that, he rose, walking away, probably to that small apartment they were staying at, kindly provided by the Senator. Anakin could only stare after him, too confused to even glare. He didn’t leave yet, maybe out of spite, maybe because he wanted to give Obi-Wan some time to find a better mood again even though he knew he might have to wait the whole night for that.

It was only when the sky turned dark, the stars a distant light in the blackness, when the wind was blowing too loud for him to understand the people whispering and laughing beneath the balcony in the palace garden, that he pushed himself off the bench and followed Obi-Wan.

If he had thought his Master was faring better now, he was sorely mistaken. If possible, he was behaving even more strangely.

“Anakin!” Obi-Wan yelled in a voice usually only reserved for battlefields as soon as Anakin entered the apartment. It was strangely fitting, though, because the apartment actually looked like a battlefield.

Clothes – tunics, pants, even underwear – were lying around Obi-Wan’s bag like stones around a campfire, as if a robber had unsuccessfully tried to find his purse before fleeing the scene of crime. There was a broken vase on the floor, the depicted woman now headless. The thrown-over chair he only noticed out of the corner of his eye because that was when the man in question came walking up to him with hurried steps.

Anakin’s brows rose even higher. Obi-Wan’s usually neatly combed hair was in terrible disarray, as if he had spent the evening ruffling it. His face was more red than anything else and sweat was glistening at his temples. He was panting slightly when he stopped just in front of him, a wild spark in his narrowed eyes. It was almost scary. He had never seen Obi-Wan this upset.

“Did you take anything from my bag? And I mean _anything_ , Anakin! Don’t lie to me.”

Anakin made a step backward, bringing his hands up in a gesture of innocence. “The bag you explicitly told me over and over again not to look into? The one I got a scar at the back of my hand for because you slapped it straight into a sharp rock when I only wanted to put it a few metres away? Yeah, I don’t think so.”

Obi-Wan was shaking, Anakin noticed. Not his whole body, he was too much of a Jedi for that, but enough of it to concern him. His hands were clenched and yet they were still moving in tiny spasms, as if he couldn’t quite manage to regain the control over them. As if he were trying hard not to lose himself. When Anakin took a closer look, he saw not only a thin layer of anger in his eyes but also of fear, the same he had already seen not too long ago. His presence in the Force was shielded and yet he could sense it, like a shadowy figure moving in the mist.

“I didn’t do anything,” Anakin reassured him, slowly letting his hands down. “Not this time. Did… did you lose anything? I could go looking for it, so you can get some sleep.”

“I- no, Anakin, it’s…” Obi-Wan shook his head, then pressed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”

He took another breath and almost looked like himself again, if it weren’t for the tousled hair and the too intense gaze of his eyes. “You’re right. I lost something… well, frankly, I’m quite sure I didn’t lose it. Someone must have stolen it.”

“Hm.” Anakin wanted to say something along the lines of _even you can make mistakes_ or _everyone’s lost something once or twist, it’s no big deal_ , though, looking at Obi-Wan, he didn’t feel like making jokes. Obi-Wan really looked as if he needed help. “Well… did you talk to the local guards? The girl from the Senator’s dinner – I think she’s friends with them - told me they were supposed to inspect the apartment to make sure everything’s ready for our arrival. Maybe they’ve been here since then.”

Obi-Wan gave him a long look. “Fine. Where are they? I’m going to talk to them.”

Anakin shrugged. “Should be circling the block…. but, uh, don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?”

Obi-Wan didn’t even answer. He ran straight out of the door, leaving him stunned for the second time in only a few hours.

Anakin shook his head, more disappointed than angry. What was left of his good mood was trickling away like sand between his fingers. What was so terribly important about whatever Obi-Wan had lost?

This stay was supposed to help them relax, it was supposed to make them feel like friends and not like soldiers for once, but maybe Obi-Wan had other priorities than he. It certainly seemed so.

Anakin rolled his eyes and stepped over the broken vase to let himself fall into an armchair. Throwing his head back, he let out a long sigh. What was Obi-Wan’s problem? His behaviour didn’t make sense, nothing of it. He was supposed to be the calm one of them. What had changed?

Anakin still hadn’t found an answer when he heard the door open about an hour later. Obi-Wan’s presence in the Force came crashing into him like a cold wave even before he saw him. A shiver ran down his spine.

He rose and their eyes met and that was when the coldness ceased like melting snow, only that it could only be a farce. Obi-Wan managed to put his shields back into place just moments before Anakin might have been able to take a glimpse at the thoughts and feelings inside of him. They couldn’t be good, that much was certain. Something had destroyed the order inside of him, leaving only chaos, a storm so unlike him. He could sense its traces, no matter how hard Obi-Wan was trying to mask it.

_Why don’t you trust me?_ Anakin thought bitterly, letting his eyes roam over the man who was supposed to be his friend. Obi-Wan’s expression was empty, so were his eyes.

_No, not empty_ , Anakin corrected himself. Numb. The sheet of ice above a lake, hiding what was beneath. His face was white, almost ashen, while his bottom lip was too red as if he had been biting it. He was slightly swaying while walking, as if he weren’t really paying attention to where his feet were leading him. He wasn’t looking at him.

Anakin crossed his arms. “Well, did you find what you were looking for?”

Obi-Wan’s gaze darkened. He leaned down and began to collect his clothes from the floor, putting them back into the bag with calm, but strangely stiff movements.

“I’m going back to Coruscant,” he said.

“When?”

“Now.”

Obi-Wan pushed the last piece of clothing, an earth-coloured undertunic, into the bag and closed it. Anakin could only stare at him as he went to pick up the broken vase’s shards. _At least you still have enough time to clean up, huh?_ he thought grimly, resisting the urge to grin like a madman.

“What’s wrong with you?” he snapped. He had been putting up with a lot of this weird behaviour but now he wanted nothing more than answers.

Obi-Wan froze, his hand hovering above the trash bin. He stepped away from it to pull the chair back into his usual position, coincidentally turning his back on Anakin thereby. “I’m fine.”

“Yeah, you look really fine to me, Master…” Anakin laughed but it wasn’t humorous. “Talk to me. Why do you have to leave all of a sudden? Did you forget your lucky charm at the Temple? Was it something the guards told you? Did the Counsel call you back? Or is this just part of an elaborate plan you made up because you don’t want to spend time with me? Please enlighten me, because I really can’t tell.”

Obi-Wan made a sound, something between sigh and groan, and he turned around to face him. There was a new glint in his eyes, a hint of desperation, a plea. His hands were shaking again.

“Please… don’t say anything like that, Anakin. Of course, I want to spend time with you… it’s just…” He paused, licking his lips, averting his gaze to look at the other end of the room. “It’s _really_ important for me to leave this planet… better sooner than later. I don’t have the time to explain everything to you. You have to trust me.”

Anakin scoffed. “Can you at least give me some kind of explanation? It doesn’t have to be long, just… something…”

Obi-Wan let the breath out between his teeth. A shudder ran through him and his hands were balling fists. This time they didn’t seem to tremble out of anxiety or fear. He looked as if he wouldn’t have said no to the opportunity to cut a battle droid into two. “Let’s just say the Gatalentans wanted to help me… in a way I didn’t agree with. It has nothing to do with you. I’m sorry, all right?”

Anakin grimaced. That was no explanation. It was just yet another riddle. He shook his head, approaching Obi-Wan. “No. Nothing’s all right here. If you leave, I’m coming with you.”

He reached out a hand, maybe in an attempt to comfort his friend, and Obi-Wan flinched, his eyes wide and unblinking, oddly similar to those of a startled animal. Anakin pulled his hand back as if he had burned himself.

“No,” Obi-Wan mumbled in a voice that didn’t sound like him. His Adam’s apple bopped as he swallowed hard, his eyes flickering around the room, searching for something that didn’t want to be found, it seemed. “No. That won’t be necessary.”

Anakin crossed his arms. “Well, I want to.”

This time a flicker of anger crept into Obi-Wan’s voice. “You can’t come with me, Anakin. I forbid it.”

Anakin felt something inside of him snap at those words and it was like letting a glowing coal grow into a raging bushfire. Logic and reason hid somewhere in the far back of his mind.

“Don’t treat me like a child,” he hissed. “You can’t order me around. I’m no Padawan anymore, Obi-Wan. I’m a Jedi Knight, a general - you of all people should know that! I can do whatever I want to do.”

Maybe it was his subconsciousness that wanted to stress the meaning of his words, that wanted Obi-Wan to listen to him, maybe it was something else, a less concrete urge, the shadow of a wish. Whatever it was, it made him cross the distance between them, it made him reach out and grasp Obi-Wan’s shoulders, it made him lean close enough to make out the freckles on his cheeks and on the tip of his nose. Eyes narrowed and teeth bared, he wanted to yell – and froze.

The words he had wanted to say fell from his tongue, forgotten, unimportant. Something wasn’t right. Something felt different. The Force was whispering, pulsating around him. A tingling wave ran through his body, only to stay, installing an itch in him that wasn’t easy to scratch. His mouth went dry.

Obi-Wan was frozen as well, maybe even more than he. He wasn’t pale anymore. Instead, there was a soft blush on his cheeks, giving him a much healthier look. Maybe his mouth was dry as well because the tip of his tongue darted out to lick his lips and it was the most interesting thing Anakin had seen all day. He found himself thinking he wouldn’t mind staring at those lips for the rest of his life.

“Let me go, Anakin,” his Master said, a warning in his voice. It was cold, hard, and Anakin couldn’t understand why. Why couldn’t Obi-Wan tell him the truth? Why couldn’t he let him help him?

“I…,” he began, only to pause, closing his mouth. He couldn’t remember what Obi-Wan had asked of him. Something about letting him go? Why should he want to let him go? Anakin frowned, feeling somewhat dizzy, breathless. The feeling made him inhale deeply, made him finally notice what was different.

There was a scent, sweet but not overly so, reminding him of a flower awakening after winter. It was both new and familiar, not prominent, not at all, mere a vision of what could be, and yet it seemed to call to him, made something deep inside his chest purr.

Before he knew it, he was leaning forward, face just barely hovering above Obi-Wan’s neck. His lips came close enough to graze his skin and the touch sent tingling waves through his body. He inhaled again and there it was, the pleasant smell, more distinct, more prominent, clouding his senses like a beautiful melody. His lips curled into a smile and he chuckled softly. The anger was gone. He felt light, free, serene.

“You smell really good, Master,” he murmured before he could stop himself, resisting the urge to press his lips against the soft skin of his neck. “Funny, huh… I never noticed…”

There was a hand at his chest, pushing against it. Obi-Wan tried to lean away from him, as far as possible. He pulled his shoulders upwards, trying to shake off the hands, and Anakin frowned, unwilling to let go just yet. He tightened his grip and a distant part of him noted it must be hurting by now, though Obi-Wan didn’t stop struggling.

“No,” Obi-Wan muttered hoarsely, shaking his head. “This isn’t possible… it’s too early. Stop, Anakin. Stop. Stars, why aren’t you listening to me? Let me go!”

Anakin only barely managed to dodge Obi-Wan’s kick and the surprise was enough to make him snap out of the hazy fog that had captured his mind. His grip loosened enough to allow Obi-Wan to take a step backward. Anakin looked at him and it was as if he were seeing him for the first time, as if he had lost the grey veil before his eyes and could now see all the colours that had been invisible before.

Somehow Obi-Wan’s eyes weren’t just blue, they were brighter, sparkling, the colour of a cloudless sky, beautiful even as they were staring at him in shock. His auburn hair was shinier, his skin rosier. Everything about him seemed to glow, as if he were the only light in a dark world. Anakin had always known his Master was good-looking but now that word didn’t seem to be enough, paled in comparison to the reality. He took another deep breath, eyes taking his body in, and the puzzle pieces clicked into place.

“You’re an omega,” he said and his mind couldn’t quite comprehend his own words, could only repeat that word over and over again. _Omega. Omega. Omega_. Something else inside of him understood, though. A primal urge awoke, an instinct he had thought to have lost ever since he had met Padmé and decided to devote his life to her even though she was a beta. It seemed to laugh at him, seemed to taunt. _Look what you’re missing out on_ , it said. _Look what could be yours._

He didn’t try to argue.

Obi-Wan gasped when Anakin pushed him against the wall but he was silenced when their lips met. It wasn’t really a kiss. They were always two in a kiss and Obi-Wan didn’t do much contributing to it, was pressing himself against the wall as if trying to melt into it, as if trying to create some distance between them even though there was no real possibility for that. Anakin could feel him tensing up beneath his touch, his jaw clenched, the lips pressed together, a statue. He didn’t even seem to breathe. However, he also wasn’t trying to push him away and some part of Anakin took that as agreement.

He let his tongue run over Obi-Wan’s lips, sucking in his bottom lip, the cybernetic hand at his cheek tilting his head for better access. There was a pleasant heat building up inside him as he deepened the kiss, just barely rocking against the soft and warm body beneath his. It was when he loosened the kiss to press his lips against Obi-Wan’s neck, breathing in the gentle sweetness of his scent and moaning lightly, that a voice pierced through the cloud of his desire.

“A-anakin,” Obi-Wan whispered. He let out a low sigh when Anakin began to suck at his skin, teeth grazing it every now and then, biting softly. His body lost his tension and Anakin used the opportunity to press himself even closer against him. “S-stop… you have to s-stop… oh, p-please… I…”

The word ended in a groan, the smallest of whimpers, and it was such a pretty sound to hear, Anakin couldn’t help but moan. He didn’t know what Obi-Wan’s problem was. This was perfect, how could it be wrong when it felt so right? Why should he stop when his Master melted so beautifully against him?

He let his hand wander downwards to cup Obi-Wan’s cock through the fabric of his pants, making him shiver and moan. It was just as hard as his must be, only growing more erect as he kept stroking it with somewhat rough motions.

They were both panting by now, the air thick with the overwhelmingly sweat smell of an omega in heat, and Anakin couldn’t help but yearn for more. His erection was aching, making it so very hard to focus on anything else than fragments of wishes, words like _more_ and _touch_ and _feel_ and _breed_ , and he thought be might be going crazy from it. He let out a growl, the sound low and resounding and so very animal-like, coming from somewhere deep inside of him.

“You don’t want me to stop,” he said, managing to pull down Obi-Wan’s pants far enough to feel his naked skin, to reach for his bottom and knead the firm muscles that seemed to fit his palm so perfectly.

“I…” Obi-Wan moaned shakily and then he was leaning into the touch, burying his face in Anakin’s neck, pressing himself closer oh so wantonly.

“I don’t want you to stop,” he breathed, desire clouding his voice. “P-please… I need you… I need you inside of me, fuck me, breed me… make me yours.”

Anakin groaned, a shudder running through him, heat rushing straight to his cock.

“You’re mine,” he agreed, because who else should be able to stake their claim on his beautiful, strong omega? Who could hope to win against him? Merely thinking about another’s hands touching what he was touching, seeing what he was seeing, made a dark wave of fury flood his mind. He would kill without hesitating whoever dared to even entertain the thought of taking what was his. He was the only one that deserved to have him. After all the time they had spent together, their lives interwoven like roots of a tree, how could it not be meant to be?

Anakin could feel the slickness pooling inside Obi-Wan, the ring of muscles at his entrance pulsating, twitching at his touch, and he chuckled huskily when he heard him whimper, felt him rubbing himself against the fingers needily.

“You’re so wet for me,” he said in awe, suppressing a moan. “You’ll take me in so nicely, won’t you? So beautifully…”

He looked down at those terribly inconvenient clothes Obi-Wan was still wearing. He didn’t need them anymore. With a growl, Anakin reached out. He wasn’t quite sure how he managed to do it but the fabric tore all too easily, exposing flushed skin and slightly enlarged, hardened nipples. He gave into the urge to twist the left one with his hand, letting his thumb roll over it, making Obi-Wan shiver and sigh.

Still, the alpha inside him was growing restless like a dire-cat pacing its cage. It made him bury his hand in Obi-Wan’s hair, making him turn around, then pushing his trembling body against the wall once more. He had to let go of him to undress but Obi-Wan didn’t leave, was only moaning incomprehensible pleas and spreading his legs like a good omega should.

Anakin was relieved to finally free his painfully erect cock from the clothes restricting it. Even greater was the thrill of anticipation inside him as he went to claim what was his. Without anything holding him back anymore, he leaned against Obi-Wan, his cybernetic hand placed on the wall to support himself, the other grabbing his hips. He let his cock slide between the cheeks of his ass, pushing in with a shuddering gasp, dizzy and yet too sensitive, wanting to relish the moment and yet unable to wait. He began to fuck his omega with hard, deep thrusts, feeling his walls clench around him, almost sucking him in.

“Y-yes,” Obi-Wan moaned beneath him, his hips jerking to meet him, and Anakin picked up his pace, feeling as if every nerve inside his body was aflame with only his old Master able to quench the fire. He needed more, wanted more, yearned to bury himself inside him so deeply he wouldn’t be able to think of anything else than his cock and the pleasure it brought him.

Anakin couldn’t do anything against the storm inside of him and he didn’t want to. He let it guide him as he felt pleasure building up inside him, focusing only on the blissful sensations it allowed him to have. He wasn’t thinking anymore, wasn’t able to. There was only his body, the body beneath his, and the instincts brought by evolution.

Unable to deal with the crashing waves of arousal, he sunk his teeth into Obi-Wan’s neck, marking him as his for the whole galaxy to see, the bite just deep enough to taste a hint of blood, the sweetness of the omega’s pheromones clinging to it. It was enough to send him over the edge and he came, shuddering, pressing himself against Obi-Wan to chase the high.

He could feel the knot at the head of his cock enlarging, almost painfully constricted by the tightness of Obi-Wan’s hole and yet filling him with a sensation of utter satisfaction. Still a bit shaky, he reached out to stroke Obi-Wan until he came as well, the noises he made the sweetest sounds Anakin had ever heard.

His mind seemed to be wrapped up in cotton. He wasn’t able to grasp even a single thought, was only enjoying the moment. Time didn’t exist. This place didn’t exist. The alpha inside of him was purring. Later, he would remember only fragments, pictures, sounds, a scene or two from the next couple of hours. He fucked Obi-Wan a few more times in a state of fuzzy desire but nothing quite came close to that first time. Nothing needed to. The omega was his and nobody would ever be able to take him away from him.

When he closed his eyes in the late morning hours, it was with a feeling of deep gratefulness and a joy that was all too easy to fall into. He couldn’t remember how he could have been unhappy before, but he also didn’t really feel like making an effort to remember. It couldn’t have been important. Sleep embraced him and he let go, giving in to his exhaustion.

~


	3. The Day After

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Also known as the one in which Anakin makes a decision with far-reaching consequences.

~

**3**

~

**_The Day After_ **

~

When Obi-Wan woke up, the first thing he noticed was the bed. He couldn’t remember how he had gotten there. He couldn’t remember going to sleep. His memory was fuzzy, distant, like something lying at the bottom of a well, dark water hiding it.

He frowned softly and sat upright, the blanket falling to his hips. His body felt awkward, as if it weren’t really his own, the skin tingling in a way that wasn’t entirely unpleasant but annoying. He felt exhausted and sore, even more than after a long day on the battlefield, and this fatigue was different, was rooted deep inside of him, and had captured both his body and mind. It felt a bit like relief.

He took a shaky breath but still couldn’t shake off the feeling that something wasn’t as it should be, that he had made a terrible mistake. When he looked down at his body, he stiffened. There were marks at his hips, bruises like blotches of ink, reminding him of handprints. His heart skipped a beat, began to race, and with it came a state of growing anxiety. His mouth went dry.

There were pictures in his mind, fragments of memories, and he tried to follow them back to the last clear scene, to the last distinct event. He had had an argument with Anakin, that much he remembered, though he couldn’t quite say what it had been about.

He could still see the disappointment in his eyes, though, as if he were standing right before him. He remembered his lips, pulled back in anger, moving as he spoke. Somehow it was Anakin he remembered most. Whenever he tried to think of what had triggered this argument, his mind pulled him back to Anakin, to the dark locks framing his face, to the fire in his eyes, and they had looked at him differently, hadn’t they?

The sound of approaching steps pulled him out of his thoughts. When he turned his head to look at the open door, there was a pang of pain at his neck. _I need to get up_ , he thought, slightly dizzy. _I need to get dressed. I need to take the pill._

His eyes widened and a cold shiver ran down his back, erasing every thought of his mind except one. The pills. The heat suppressants. They had taken them out of his bag. They had thrown them away because _it_ _isn’t healthy_ , _it’s against your nature_ , _it’s better this way, you’ll see_. They had smiled at him, had smiled about his misery, hadn’t been able to understand, hadn’t wanted to listen.

_We don’t sell those here_ , they had told him. _We don’t need them. We’re proud of what we are. You should be, too._ And he had fallen, fallen, fallen, with nothing to hold onto.

“When did you want to tell me you’re actually an omega, huh? Master?”

Anakin. Oh, _Anakin_.

Obi-Wan wanted nothing more than to bury his face in his hands and be blind or, even better, invisible. Images ran through his mind, each one worse than the one before. There were voices and sounds, familiar and yet so terribly wrong, so terribly right. He thought he must burst of shame. His face grew hot and yet he braced himself and looked up.

Anakin was staring at him, of course he was, and his gaze set every part of his body on fire, caught and held him with no possibility to look away. Anakin’s chest was naked but he must have been awake long enough to have the time to put on a pair of pants. His arms were crossed and the lines of his face tense, his gaze a storm.

Something inside of Obi-Wan warmed up at seeing him, wanted to smile and relax and be close to him, and the feeling scared him. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t fair. He wasn’t supposed to be in this situation. Why, oh why had he agreed to go on this unnecessary mission?

“You were never supposed to know,” he whispered with great difficulty. He felt numb, maybe because his mind was yearning to escape this body, this situation. What should he do now? What could he possibly do?

Anakin scoffed. “Ah? Well, I know. I _know_ , Obi-Wan, finally! I can’t believe you kept this a secret for, what, twenty years? How is this even possible? How can you – you of all people – be an omega? I… I don’t even know what to say…”

Obi-Wan clenched his teeth. Every word was a slap in his face.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he mumbled.

“Yeah?” Anakin chuckled darkly. He crossed the distance between them and sat down on the bed, eyes roaming over Obi-Wan with a strange fire in their depths. If he had reached out a hand, he would have been able to touch him. “I think I do. I think we have a lot of talking to do.”

Exhaling slowly, Anakin brought a hand to his face, resting his forehead against it, maybe trying to hide behind it, maybe wishing to escape this reality just as much as Obi-Wan. The sneering tone disappeared from his voice when he spoke, though the tension was still there, reverberating in the Force.

“You can feel it, don’t you? The bond. You feel it too.”

Obi-Wan wished he could say no, wished he could shake his head and laugh about the possibility. The truth was he could feel this new connection between them and it was nothing like the invisible ribbon Qui-Gon had been talking about. There was no single line connecting them. The bond had brought a new sense of being.

He felt as if Anakin were the only real thing in his universe, the only colourful picture in a sea of black and white, a beacon in the darkness. He knew he would be able to find him, no matter how great the distance, no matter if he wanted to be found or not.

He could sense him sitting there even as he closed his eyes and he could feel the whirlwind of emotions running through him as if they were his own. He knew he wouldn’t be able to shield his mind if Anakin really wanted to pry into it, and it made him feel exposed and helpless in a way he had never wanted to feel.

“We have to break it,” Obi-Wan declared. “Maybe… maybe it’ll be enough if I take the heat suppressants again… maybe there’s something else we can do. We break the bond and return to our lives as they were and forget… this.”

He took a deep breath, releasing his whispering fear into the Force. Nothing was lost yet. As long as the Council didn’t know about him, as long as Anakin kept his secret and they broke the bond, so nobody would be able to smell the omega inside of him, everything could be all right again.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Anakin,” he said. “You should’ve never been pulled into this.”

Anakin snorted but it sounded less angry than before.

“Don’t apologise for that,” he muttered, the hint of a smile on his lips, a glaring contrast to his narrowed eyes. “You can’t fight biology, huh?”

The amusement vanished from his expression, leaving suppressed pain and anger.

“What I really want an apology for is you lying to me. All those years taking pills behind my back when you could’ve just told me the truth… I would’ve supported you, Obi-Wan.” He shook his head in disbelief. “Why… why do you even want to hide it? Wouldn’t it be much easier to just be yourself?”

“I should just be myself?” Obi-Wan wanted to laugh, wanted to laugh because it was easier than crying, easier than yelling. A flicker of anger rang through him. “Do you know anything about omegas in this world? Why shouldn’t I want to hide it?”

He gulped down and yet couldn’t get rid of the rotten taste on his tongue. “Do you know any omegas, Anakin? Really know? Can you give me a name?”

Anakin frowned. His lips formed a tight line and his eyes were flickering over Obi-Wan face as if trying to find the answer there. Eventually, he let out a low groan.

“Well, I know you,” he grumbled.

“Really funny.”

“Well, there’re no omegas in the Order. How am I supposed to get to know one?” Anakin’s eyes widened when he realised the meaning of his words. “Wait. You’re the only omega in the Order? That’s… if you can be both force-sensitive and an omega… I must be forgetting someone.”

“You’re not,” Obi-Wan muttered, remembering that horrible night all those years ago, the terrified Twi’lek girl. He wondered how she was doing today. Had she learned to be content with her fate? “Omegas aren’t allowed to be in the Jedi Order. The Council would order me to leave if they knew about… my true nature. That’s why I’m hiding it. That’s why you can’t tell anyone, Anakin. Under no circumstances. I need you to promise me that.”

Anakin gave him a disbelieving look. “You don’t really believe they’d kick you out just because you’re an omega, do you? I mean, you’re part of the Council yourself. You’re one of their best men. They can’t expel you.”

Obi-Wan crossed his arms, feeling very cold and very tired all of a sudden. Anakin didn’t understand. Of course, he didn’t. He didn’t know what it was like to be an omega. He didn’t know more about it than what they had told him. He hadn’t been forced to stand by and watch while other Jedi Masters put scared Padawans into a shuttle meant to take them far away from the Temple, as if the problem would just disappear if they didn’t have to face it. He had never paid attention to the statistics showing how much lower the life expectancy and life satisfaction of omegas were. He had never listened to the talks of police droids looking for omegas who had dared to run away from their families or alphas. Obi-Wan let out a low sigh.

“I don’t want to take chances,” he said. “Promise you won’t tell anyone.”

Obi-Wan could hear his pulse rushing through his ears. Somewhere at the borders of his mind, where he ended and Anakin began, were the crashing waves of Anakin’s thoughts. He knew if he reached out for them, he would be able to read them. He held himself back, though, out of politeness, and also because he thought he might not want to know what was taking him so long.

“I won’t tell anyone,” Anakin said and Obi-Wan could breathe again. He smiled.

“Thank you, Anakin.”

Anakin returned the smile and it illuminated his face and let his eyes sparkle and it made him look so unbelievably handsome Obi-Wan had to hold himself back not to lean over and kiss him. The urge was strong enough to scare him, especially as love and intimacy had never really mattered much to him, maybe as a side effect of the pills. He let his gaze wander away.

“I usually take heat suppressants but this planet…” He frowned. “They seem to think being an omega is the best thing that can happen to you. The guards… they found my pills and threw them away. I don’t blame them. They thought they were doing me a favour… still, this wouldn’t have happened if I had been able to keep taking the pills.”

He looked at Anakin and raised his chin. “We can fix this. Taking the suppressants masks my scent and I’m sure you won’t react to it anymore then. I… I know you didn’t want to be with me… at least not in this way… but you’re an alpha. You said it yourself, it’s in our nature… when I noticed those first signs, I should’ve stayed away from you. It’s my fault. Please don’t feel like you’re in some way… indebted to me. I don’t blame you. When this is over, we don’t have to talk about it ever again…”

He licked his lips, pausing for a moment. “I could understand if you didn’t want to see me again.”

Anakin looked as if someone had punched him in the stomach.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he muttered, shaking his head. A grin flickered over his lips. “What am I supposed to do without you?”

It could have been the beginning of a joke but Anakin stopped, freezing as if a new thought had popped up in his mind. Obi-Wan didn’t like the spark flashing through his eyes and the way his gaze grew just a bit too intense, but the moment was gone as soon as he blinked and it was easy to forget about it. Maybe too easy.

“You want to take those pills again?” Anakin raised a brow. “Where do you even buy this stuff? Isn’t it illegal?”

“Don’t try to lecture me.” Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “It’s the only way. There are worse crimes you can commit.”

Anakin raised his arms in a gesture of innocence. “I didn’t say anything!”

Obi-Wan raised his brows, then shrugged. “Well, I don’t think we need to buy anything… at least not now. I still have a package at the Temple, hidden, of course. I can tell you where it is, we can fly back to Coruscant, and you can get it for me. We’d have to use one of the smaller hangars, of course… I can’t risk anyone noticing me. And, Anakin, it would be best to leave as soon as possible.”

Anakin raised a brow. “What about our mission?”

“Tell them I’m not feeling well… there are enough other Jedi who can do this job.”

Anakin gave him a lop-sided grin. It didn’t quite want to reach his eyes, though. “If you say so, Master.”

He rose to leave the room. Obi-Wan stared after him, his heart fluttering in a strange way. He wanted to believe this conversation had gone well, he wanted to believe everything would be all right again, but something planted seeds of doubt in his mind.

Obi-Wan let out a sigh and rose to shower and get dressed. He had to trust Anakin. He wanted to sever this bond just as much as he. Right?

~

A few hours later they were on their way back to Coruscant. Anakin had talked to the Senator and must have made up a good lie because he let them go without further questions.

Obi-Wan had thought everyone must be staring at him as they had left the apartment to go to the ship, forcibly encountering Gatalentans thereby. Though, everyone had been far more interested in alpha Anakin. He had been part of the crowd, no more special than anyone else, and he had been grateful for that. Still, he knew Coruscant would be different. There was no way he would set as much as a foot outside with that bond still intact.

Dressed, with a bit of food in his stomach, further distancing himself from that blasted planet with every passing second, he was beginning to feel better. Maybe he had been wrong. Maybe it really wasn’t such a big deal. Anakin seemed to be understanding. It could have been much worse.

The ship was small enough to only need one pilot and Obi-Wan was able to lie down on a cot and relax. He had wanted to meditate but he hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before and when his eyes fluttered shut, he didn’t fight it.

His dreams were strange. There were dark silhouettes and voices not quite distinct enough to be recognisable. The wind was howling around him. He thought he might be hearing Anakin, his words filled with tension and frustration, but maybe that was just the raging storm. He got lost in it, felt the wind’s claws pulling at him, pulling him into different directions, and there was a wave of anger, strong enough to make him tense up, to stop him from breathing.

_What am I supposed to do?_ he thought, desperation ringing through him. There was only darkness, though, no way to know what might be the right thing to do. There was no right way. What were you supposed to do when every way was leading to disaster?

Obi-Wan couldn’t say when the storm died down. He only knew it did because he slipped into blissful nothingness, the sleep’s embrace warm and gentle. He sighed and relaxed and felt only the distant remains of doubt ghosting through his mind. They were all too easy to ignore.

A hand softly shaking his shoulder woke him up. The omega inside of him smiled at sensing Anakin’s presence, wanted to take his hand and never let go. He felt good, though the feeling began to trickle away as soon as he opened his eyes and sat upright. His gaze was immediately drawn to Anakin.

His heart skipped a beat. Something was wrong. Anakin shouldn’t be looking at him like that, as if he were a wild animal Anakin might startle if he weren’t cautious. There was too much tension in his face, his lips trembling as if there were words in his throat itching to be said. As if he knew very well Obi-Wan might not like those words. It reminded him of receiving the message of a lost battle or the death of a comrade.

“What’s the problem, Anakin?”

Obi-Wan rose, eyes flickering over Anakin’s unchanged expression. When he looked into the Force, searching for a threat, he could feel the close presence of fellow Jedi and that was strange. The hangar Obi-Wan had suggested shouldn’t have been this close to the Temple. Anakin let out a groan and averted his gaze, as if he couldn’t quite look Obi-Wan into the eyes.

“Please don’t be upset, Master,” he said and Obi-Wan felt his stomach twist. Those words had never meant anything good.

“What have you done?”

“Nothing really… not yet at least.”

Obi-Wan, frozen, watched as Anakin struggled with the words he wanted to say and the silence lasted both a second and an eternity. When he finally spoke, his lips were moving in slow motion and the words dissolved the ground beneath Obi-Wan’s feet.

“I decided I don’t want to break the bond.”

Obi-Wan stared at him, waiting for something to happen, waiting for a punchline that wouldn’t come, waiting for the dream to fade maybe, because this couldn’t be reality. He must have misheard him.

“You…” He cleared his throat but it didn’t help him get the words out. “W-what…?”

“I don’t want to break the bond,” Anakin repeated in a voice as neutral as if he were instructing a clone battalion.

“This isn’t the time to make jokes, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said more bitingly than he had intended. “You can’t be serious. Why would you want to keep it? I made a mistake but there’s still time to fix it. We need to fix it.”

Anakin raised his brows and something flashed through his eyes, made his expression crumble into a grimace, a sneer. He laughed and it didn’t sound like him.

“Do you really think it would be so bad? To be with me? Would you hate it that much?”

“I…” Something constricted Obi-Wan’s throat.

Anakin scoffed. “Maybe it wasn’t a mistake. Maybe it was meant to be this way. Those pills… they’re not natural. They’re messing with your body and mind. I spoke with the Senator and he told me you’re twice as likely to die from organ failure… and that’s not even talking about the psychic side effects. I don’t want you to die because you think you can’t be yourself.”

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you think that’s my decision to make? I’d rather die young than live a life not worth living.”

“No.” Anakin met his eyes again and his gaze made a cold shiver run down Obi-Wan’s back. “You’re wrong. That decision has become mine. It became mine the moment you offered yourself to me. It became mine the moment I marked you as my omega.”

Obi-Wan felt his neck tingling at the words and the sensation sent a pleasant and yet unwelcome warmth through his body. He crossed his arms, taking a shaky breath.

“What about Padmé?”

Anakin’s shock was strong enough to let the Force vibrate, his eyes wide and unblinking. “Padmé?!”

“I know about you. I’ve always known…,” Obi-Wan said carefully. “I kept your secret because I know how important she’s to you. You love her. You don’t love me. You… you can’t keep our bond and be with her at the same time.”

Anakin pressed his eyes shut, his hands clenched. When he looked up again, there was suppressed pain hiding in their depths. Pain, but also resignation. Determination.

“Fine,” he hissed. “You know… well, then you must also know it wasn’t an easy decision to make. Not easy at all. Still, I… I’m going to break up with her. I’m breaking up with her for you, Obi-Wan. She’ll understand. She’s a beta. We couldn’t have truly been together anyway. You and I, though… it’s natural. You must see that.” 

He made a step forward, then another one, crossing the distance between them. Obi-Wan couldn’t move. He couldn’t breathe. He could only watch and feel when Anakin raised his left hand to cup his cheek, his thumb caressing the skin with gentle circles. He wanted to lean into the touch.

“Also…” Anakin’s eyes flickered to his lips once, twice. “What makes you think I don’t love you?”

Obi-Wan was lost. _Please don’t do this_ , he wanted to say even though he knew it wouldn’t matter. Anakin had already made up his mind. There wasn’t anything he could say to make him change it and, even worse, a part of Obi-Wan didn’t want him to change it.

Coldness ran through him like a wave of ice. It was hopeless, he realised. Without Anakin, he wouldn’t be able to get the pills and without them, he wouldn’t be able to break the bond. Everyone would know. There was nothing he could do. Either he would reveal his secret by walking out of the ship or Anakin would do it for him.

Obi-Wan let out a strangled sigh, allowing himself to enjoy the soft touch of Anakin’s hand because it might just be the only thing keeping him from losing his mind.

“You’re dooming me, Anakin,” he whispered. There was a lump in his throat, stifling him. “You might as well just kill me.”

Anakin frowned, pulling his hand away.

“Is it because of the Council? I tell you they won’t expel you. Nothing will change. We can still be a team, maybe even more so than before. We can make it work, trust me.” He took Obi-Wan’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I want to make it work.”

Obi-Wan couldn’t react. He felt numb. He wanted to believe Anakin, he really did. Still, at the same time he knew nothing would be as it was before. Those were the words of a hopeless optimist, or a liar. He could see his future because he had already seen it, over and over again, and he knew there wasn’t anything Anakin could say to comfort him. There was no way to sugarcoat this situation.

When Anakin had decided not to get him the suppressants but instead fly straight to the Temple, he had destroyed his past. He had destroyed everything that might have been his before. He had ignored every word Obi-Wan had used to explain the severity of the situation, had ignored him and his distress, and that might have been the worst part of all of this. It stung. He felt alone and so helpless, it hurt. He could only brace himself as he walked into a battle he had never wanted to fight.

In that moment he really wanted to hate Anakin.

~


	4. The Council's Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [I got so many nice comments on the last chapter, so I decided to upload the next one a few days earlier than planned :)]

~

**4**

~

**_The Council’s Decision_ **

~

When Anakin had become a Padawan, he had been excited to explore the eternity of space, the Force as his friend and a lightsaber in its hand. Though, he had soon come to realise there was more to being a Jedi.

There were rules. A lot of rules. As a Padawan rarely a day went by where you weren’t hearing about the possible dangers of emotions and indulging in anger, hate, jealousy, or fear. You mustn’t have a romantic relationship, you mustn’t marry, or, stars forbid, have children. It led to a lot of questions as soon as the secondary gender got discussed in class.

Anakin remembered his own confusion all too well. They were told how important having a mate was for the health of alphas and omegas and yet the alphas Anakin knew hadn’t looked sickly to him even though they hardly ever saw an omega at the Temple.

The confusion, while not entirely wiped away, faded after he had presented as an alpha shortly before his sixteenth birthday. Alphas, more so than any other secondary gender, were characterised by their primal instincts. They were the wolfs to the betas’ dogs.

That was why they had to attend special lessons meant to help them bring their natural needs into accordance with the Jedi Code. They learned how to deal with encountering omegas in heat, how to ignore those primal instincts, and how to release the deconstructive urges that came with yearning for a mate into the Force. They were told they would have to put much more effort into staying true to the Jedi Code than the betas at the Temple. Though, they could also use those strong emotions to their advantage if they knew how to control them.

They were in a lot of ways different than the other alphas in the galaxy. What was natural for others was forbidden for them. More than a few alphas had left the Order because of the restrictions and many had been expelled when it had become clear they couldn’t control their urges. Some alphas swore to never take a mate and found a way to cope without one. For the remaining alphas, there was a grey area, something that wasn’t encouraged, sometimes even frowned upon, but accepted nonetheless.

The bond between omegas and alphas was sacred in the whole galaxy. Jedi Knights were allowed to take an omega as a mate, if they proved themselves trustworthy and loyal to the Order. They had to present the intended mate before the Council and had to get their permission. If the bond was already present, they risked having to leave the Order if the Council didn’t agree with their choice. Even if the Council gave their permission, there were still a lot of smaller rules they had to pay attention to.

All of those guidelines and regulations were running through Anakin’s mind as he made his way to the High Council Chamber. His heart was fluttering in his chest. He hadn’t thought he would ever be in this position and consequently hadn’t paid much attention to those rules.

He had met Padmé even before he had become a Padawan, had learned she was a beta soon afterwards, and, as enamoured as he had been with her, hadn’t once considered taking an omega as a mate. _Why should I make such an effort when Padmé’s all I need_ , he had wondered and no omega had ever come close enough to her to make him rethink his decision. Maybe that was why he had never needed to suppress his primal instincts. They had never called to him. Until Obi-Wan, that was.

Anakin hadn’t lied when he had said it hadn’t been an easy decision. He had never needed to choose between the two most important people of his life and he hadn’t thought he would be able to. He had spent the flight back to Coruscant going back and forth, making a decision, then regretting it a moment later. He had known he could only lose.

Funnily enough, it had seemed easy at first. Obi-Wan had made it look so easy. Severing the bond, going back to their old lives… it had sounded attractive. Padmé would have never needed to know what had happened on Gatalenta.

However, as soon as Anakin had been alone with his thoughts, as soon as he had allowed himself to think about the dilemma, to really think about it, he had realised it wasn’t easy at all. A part of him hadn’t liked Obi-Wan’s idea from the beginning, though he had only then been able to put this vague feeling of disappointment and irritation into words.

Obi-Wan had made it very clear how much he despised this bond and how much better they were off if he went back to taking pills and posing as a beta for the rest of his life. He hadn’t once entertained the idea of accepting it, as if the mere possibility of sharing his life with Anakin was a personal insult, not worth considering. It had hurt, more than it should have.

Anakin had asked himself if he wanted to break the bond and the answer had rung through his very core, simple and yet so very difficult.

_No_.

He wanted to keep the bond. He could say it was because he didn’t want Obi-Wan to suffer from the suppressant’s side effects, because such an accident could very well happen again and who knew who Obi-Wan might end up with then, and because it would be very painful and stressful to break the bond. However, that wouldn’t have been the whole truth. 

The much more selfish reason was he liked to have Obi-Wan as his mate. He enjoyed the thought of kissing and touching him and he knew they complimented each other well, both on and off the battlefield. He liked that Obi-Wan wasn’t like other omegas who were all too submissive and didn’t have a personality to call their own. They all melted into each other, boring, grey, uninteresting. In a sea of herrings Obi-Wan was a shark. Anakin couldn’t help but feel somewhat proud he had been able to claim him. Why shouldn’t he seize this opportunity?

With Obi-Wan, he wouldn’t have to hide behind columns to exchange an all too quick kiss. He could have both – the Jedi Order and a family. He could have children without having to worry they might have to grow up not knowing who their father was. Surely, Obi-Wan would learn to see these advantages.

Nevertheless, Anakin felt doubts gnawing at him as he recalled Obi-Wan’s distress, the paleness of his face, the trembling of his lips, when he had presented him with his decision. He had expected some kind of backlash but he hadn’t expected such an intense reaction. It made him wonder if he hadn’t bitten off more than he could chew.

In the end, Obi-Wan couldn’t have looked further from happy but he hadn’t kept arguing. He hadn’t said anything, really, had only glowered at the floor. Anakin didn’t like to see him like that but it was understandable. After all, Obi-Wan had spent his whole life thinking he had to hide himself. It would be difficult to change that mindset.

Anakin had decided to give him some time to get used to the idea. In spite of the regulations, he hadn’t forced him to accompany him to the Council and subject himself to the prying eyes of the Oder yet. It would have to happen eventually, of course, but it would have been all too cruel not to give him at least the illusion of a choice. He had instructed R2D2 to keep an eye on him while he was away, though. Better safe than sorry.

When Anakin entered the High Council Chamber, only the Masters Yoda, Mace Windu, Ki-Adi-Mundi, Saesee Tiin, Adi Gallia, and Plo Koon were present. They were discussing something – probably the much-debated war - but went silent as soon as they recognised him.

Master Windu, who was closest to him, raised a brow. “Shouldn’t you be on Gatalenta protecting the Senator, General Skywalker?”

“There was a… problem, Master,” Anakin said, taking a moment to choose the right words to say before continuing. “Though, rest assured, I’ve already called Master Unduli and she kindly agreed to take over the mission with her Padawan.”

“Contacted the Council you should have,” Master Yoda said. He always seemed look right into your mind and this time was no exception. Anakin felt his neck tingling but he tried to cover up his discomfort with a rueful smile.

“My apologies… I wasn’t in a clear state of mind. I needed some time to sort out my thoughts. I’ve done that now.” He straightened his back, trying to look more confident than he felt. “I’m not here because of a mission gone wrong. I’m here because I want to ask for your permission to take a mate.”

Master Windu pursed his lips, disapproval flashing through his gaze. It was well known he was one of the alphas who were strong advocates of the idea that mates and bonds had no place among the Jedi. Anakin knew him asking for just that wasn’t improving the already low opinion Master Windu had of him.

“I assume you already have somebody in mind.”

Anakin nodded. “I didn’t plan it this way but it appears we formed a bond. I thought it would be best to immediately talk to you.”

“You should’ve brought them here.”

“That would’ve been necessary if it had been a stranger, yes. However, I’m certain you’ll be able to make a decision without me presenting my mate to you. You know him very well.”

Anakin could almost taste the growing confusion. Every gaze was directed at him and not one of the Masters seemed to have an idea of what he was talking about. Obi-Wan must have been very thorough in protecting his secret. Anakin didn’t know if that made it harder or easier to say what needed to be said. He braced himself and spoke.

“It’s Obi-Wan Kenobi.”

The silence was crushing. It was quiet enough to hear the roaring engines of distant ships taking off and the hurrying steps of hundreds of Jedi at the Temple, and yet this silence was screaming in a way a voice couldn’t. Anakin hadn’t expected the day he took a mate would also be the day he managed to stun the Council into speechlessness. The Force was flaring up around him like waves leaping up the walls of a boat.

“Impossible.” Master Mundi was the first to speak. It triggered a storm of reactions, the dam breaking. Chaos.

“Isn’t he a beta?”

“How is this even possible?!”

“Master Kenobi? Did he really say that name?”

“We would know if he were an omega. It can’t be….”

“…fought side by side with him and…”

“…lying to us?”

“…don’t believe…”

The words and voices melted into each other, a steady current, a raging sea. Anakin stayed quiet. There wasn’t anything he could have said. It was their discussion to have. He knew the truth. He had already gone through the stages of denial and surprise, now all he could to was wait for the storm to calm down.

“Speaking the truth, young Skywalker is,” Master Yoda muttered in a distant voice and, as always, the Council listened. “Look into the Force. The bond is there, connecting Master Kenobi and him, it does.”

Anakin felt the urge to smile maybe a bit too smugly, though he suppressed it as soon as Master Yoda’s gaze focused on him.

“Talking to Master Kenobi himself, we should.”

“Understandable… I will go and get him,” Anakin said. He gave a small, polite bow before leaving the room. Obi-Wan didn’t have that much time to get used to being an omega after all, it seemed. Hopefully, he had warmed up to the idea at least a bit.

Obi-Wan was meditating in the ship’s core when Anakin returned. It was still strange to inhale the soft, flowery scent of an omega whenever they were together, no matter how pleasant it was. It didn’t quite want to fit. Though, at the same time, it felt as natural as breathing.

Eyes closed, the lines of his face calm, Obi-Wan looked much more relaxed than before and Anakin almost felt bad for intruding his peace. It was nice to see him like this. It made his heart leap with joy and his very soul warm up with deep-rooted satisfaction. A few loose strands of hair were grazing Obi-Wan’s forehead and he wanted to brush them away, wanted to cup his cheek and kiss him and show him how very beautiful he thought he was.

The moment didn’t last long, though, because Obi-Wan frowned as soon as he felt his presence, the corners of his mouth sinking. His eyes opened, found Anakin’s gaze, and held it.

“I take it you spoke to the Council.”

Anakin nodded even though it hadn’t been a question. “They want to see you.”

“Of course they do.” Obi-Wan sighed and it sounded as if the weight of the world were lying on his shoulders. He rose and brushed the dust off his clothes, maybe in an attempt to appear more detached from the situation than he was.

“They were quite surprised,” Anakin informed him, hoping to get a reaction that wasn’t cold resignation. “Congratulations… you fooled everyone.”

“Am I supposed to be happy about that?” Obi-Wan gave him a dark look. “It doesn’t matter. Soon everyone will know… thanks to you.”

Anakin let the breath out between his teeth, trying to suppress his anger. “You’re not alone in this. I want to help you, Obi-Wan. Can’t you see that?”

He reached out, maybe to take his hand and squeeze it, maybe to pat his shoulder, maybe to do more than that, though Obi-Wan stepped away from him before his hand could graze him.

“Don’t touch me.” 

His expression hardly showed any feelings but he wasn’t able to keep his voice neutral. It sounded strangled, as if he had difficulties speaking. He must have noticed that as well because he paused on his way to the exit and took a deep breath. When he continued speaking, his voice was perfectly calm, perfectly composed. The voice of a Jedi.

“You’re wrong… this is a way I have to go alone.”

Anakin didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t help but feel as if Obi-Wan wasn’t just talking about the Council. He followed him out of the ship, R2D2 rolling at his side. The droid made a series of sad beeps and Anakin glanced at him to read the translation. _I am worried about him._

“Well, you’re not the only one, buddy…,” Anakin murmured. He swallowed hard. Hopefully, he hadn’t made the wrong decision.

Obi-Wan was lucky. Many of the Jedi were involved in an important mission in the Outer Rim and thus they weren’t encountering as many of them on their way to the High Council Chamber as they could have.

Still, Anakin could make out more than a few confused faces, their noses wrinkling as they realised there must be an omega among them. Some recognised this omega before they turned their backs on them, their eyes wide, staring as if Obi-Wan were some kind of rare zoo animal. He could hear them start to whisper as soon as they turned around a corner and it made his blood boil. If they weren’t in such a hurry, Anakin would have made very clear what he thought of that.

He arrived at their destination with clenched teeth and tense muscles. He couldn’t understand how Obi-Wan could have stayed calm, but then again, he had always been the more composed of them. Maybe it wasn’t such a surprise he had turned out to be an omega after all.

Two more Jedi Masters had arrived in the Chamber. Oppo Rancisis and Coleman Kcaj must have joined the other members of the Council after learning about what surely was a sensation, considering how much effort the Jedi Order put into distancing itself from omegas.

Every gaze was fixed on Obi-Wan as soon as he entered the room, though he didn’t seem to notice the tension of the room. He moved as naturally as if this were just another day during the Clone Wars and Anakin almost expected him to walk to his designated seat, to sit down to discuss whatever matter was on the agenda. It didn’t happen, of course.

Obi-Wan stopped in the centre and let his eyes slowly roam over the Jedi, unafraid to meet their gazes, his chin raised as if asking _well, who dares to throw the first stone?_ When nobody began to speak, Obi-Wan raised his brows.

“I was under the impression I was called to be interrogated…” He tilted his head. “Now, I’m not so certain anymore. I came to answer questions, not to be stared at like an ancient relic. Can you do me that favour?”

There was a last moment of tense silence, then a voice. 

“Hm. Right you are, Master Kenobi,” Master Yoda said, nodding solemnly. Anakin didn’t fail to notice how a few of the other council members tensed up at the mention of the title. Some were frowning, as if they had all but forgotten Obi-Wan would have been sitting among them on any other day. As if they thought he wasn’t worthy of being a Jedi Master anymore.

“Talk we should and listen we will. An unforeseen and unfortunate situation this is, yes, but jump to conclusions we must not.” Master Yoda looked up at Obi-Wan with a mildly curious gaze, his voice bare of emotion. “Explain yourself to us, you will.”

Obi-Wan sighed and the shadow of a sad smile ran over his lips. “Does it even matter what I say?”

Silence was his answer. Still, he must have expected such a reaction because he straightened his back, a determined glint in his eyes, a fire that reminded Anakin of the countless battles they had fought together. Only this time they weren’t on an obscure planet in the Outer Rim, but on Coruscant, and their enemy was no droid army either.

“Yes,” Obi-Wan said, answering the silent question in the Jedi Master’s eyes, the question everyone was too afraid to ask because it could only lead to uncomfortable truths. “I’m an omega. I’ve always been an omega. I presented when I was eighteen and I’ve been hiding this… part of me ever since. As to why…”

The lines of his face grew more tense, his gaze distant. “I don’t think I need to explain that. I did what I had to do… and I’d do it again, if given the choice.”

Anakin cast a glance at him, biting back the urge to glare. Did Obi-Wan want to get the worst possible punishment? Couldn’t he at least try to appear remorseful?

“Why not tell it like it is?” Master Windu said without looking at Obi-Wan. Anakin knew even before he continued, he wouldn’t like what the Jedi Master had to say.

“You’ve been lying to the Council - to the entire Order - for almost twenty years. You’ve put every single one of your past missions and battles and those fighting by your side at risk by suppressing something that, by nature, can’t and shouldn’t be suppressed. Nature always finds its way.”

Obi-Wan looked as if he had something to say to that, though Master Windu continued before he could try to argue. This time, his eyes found Obi-Wan’s.

“You gave evidence to that fact yourself. If it weren’t true, you wouldn’t be here.”

He turned his head, gaze roaming over Anakin, capturing him. His brows rose. “Don’t you agree, young Skywalker?”

Anakin narrowed his eyes. His jaw was clenched hard enough to hurt. If he hadn’t been too busy trying to hide his anger, he might have been embarrassed. Yes, they hadn’t exactly planned their bond and the subsequent talk to the Council but Anakin didn’t like to be reminded of that.

“You might want to ask a medi-droid that question,” he muttered. “I’m afraid I’m no expert on biology, Master.” 

Master Windu averted his eyes, though Anakin didn’t feel as if he had won the round. He didn’t feel as if he were winning anything right now. What Master Windu had said made him think he might have underestimated the Order’s determination to cling to their rules and, as much as he tried to ignore it, a part of him thought he had a point. Doubts were ghosting through his mind, a growing uncertainty.

_I should be on Obi-Wan’s side_ , he reminded himself. Though, was he turning against him when he was just trying to help? Obi-Wan shouldn’t be taking suppressants. They weren’t natural, Master Windu had been right about that. No matter how this meeting would end, Obi-Wan would have to stop hiding himself. He could be free of doubts and fears, and wasn’t that alone worth the trouble?

“You must have had help,” Master Tiin wondered aloud and Anakin finally focused on the discussion again. “Does anyone else know?” 

Obi-Wan turned his head to face him. 

“I never told anyone... except...” A soft sigh. A shadow of sadness appeared in his eyes. “My late Master... Qui-Gon Jinn. He knew. He helped me.” 

Anakin’s eyes widened. He glanced at Obi-Wan and felt the corners of his mouth sinking, a strange tension surging through him. _Good to know you trusted him more than me_ , he thought, glaring at Obi-Wan’s back. Maybe it hadn’t been such an unfortunate accident after all. At least now there were no secrets between them anymore. Obi-Wan would have no choice but to trust him.

“Any more questions there are?” Master Yoda asked, letting his gaze wander over the other council members. When the silence remained unbroken, he gave a short nod and looked at Obi-Wan again. Anakin thought he would tell them to wait outside until they had finished discussing the matter and had come to a decision. He was surprised when there was a last question after all.

“Asked for permission to take you as his mate, Anakin Skywalker has. Grant it, we should?”

Anakin’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach. Somehow, he had thought they wouldn’t ask Obi-Wan for his opinion on the matter. He had thought he would only have to wait for the Council’s answer, a simple yes or no. He hadn’t expected the omega to have a say in this, maybe because the lessons had always focused on the alpha, the alpha’s urges, the alpha’s decision, the alpha’s right to take a mate. He hadn’t considered there might be omegas who didn’t want to be a Jedi’s mate.

It was then that he realised Obi-Wan might very well be one of them. He hadn’t explicitly rejected him, though he had wanted to break the bond. That should have been answer enough for him. _You’re dooming me, Anakin_ , ran through his mind like the icy whisper of the wind. _You might as well just kill me_.

Anakin looked at Obi-Wan and he knew, he just _knew_ , he would say no, if only to spite him after he had revealed his secret, if only because he had nothing left to lose. It wouldn’t make sense for him to say anything else and yet Anakin couldn’t help but keep up his hope, paralysed, his eyes wide and unblinking and fixed on Obi-Wan as if he were the only person in this room. He might have stopped breathing.

Obi-Wan sighed. When he spoke, his voice was barely more than a murmur, too quiet to reveal any of the feelings that might be hiding inside. It was loud enough to understand the word, though.

“Yes.”

Anakin inhaled sharply, relief flooding him. He didn’t know what he would have done if Obi-Wan had openly rejected him in front of the Jedi High Council, even though he also had no idea why he _hadn’t_ done it. He didn’t want to intrude his mind, as attractive as that idea sounded, and so he kept staring at Obi-Wan’s back, trying to think of an answer and failing.

There were no further questions. They were told to wait for the Council’s decision in a bordering room. Obi-Wan’s expression was unreadable as he took a seat. He seemed to be a bit less tense but a lot more tired, as if he had left every bit of his fire in that chamber.

“Thank you,” Anakin said. Though, if he was hoping for some kind of explanation, he was disappointed. Obi-Wan didn’t look at him. Instead, he lowered his gaze, a frown drawing soft lines into his forehead.

“I didn’t do it for you…,” he mumbled.

The words sounded final and so Anakin didn’t try to start a conversation. He wouldn’t have known what to say anyway. There was nothing to say, not yet. It all depended on the Council’s decision. He couldn’t apologise for something that hadn’t happened yet and he couldn’t apologise for something he wasn’t truly sorry for. Anakin knew that and still couldn’t help but glance at Obi-Wan every now and then, hoping for some kind of sign he hadn’t opened a rift between them that they might not be able to bridge.

He crossed his arms, imagining different possible futures. Mace Windu had looked as if he had already made his decision and Anakin couldn’t help but feel as if quite a lot of the council members were agreeing with him, if openly or not. Maybe only because it was easier to cling to tradition than to allow change.

Still, even if omegas weren’t allowed to be in the Order, they knew Obi-Wan. He was the epitome of a Jedi. They had to know he wouldn’t have done this if not for a good reason. He wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t been determined to be a Jedi. They couldn’t kick him out for wanting to stay true to the Code, for wanting to fight for and support the Jedi Order, could they?

Anakin lifted a hand to rub his face, feeling torn, lost. There was no way to know what was right. Only time would be able to answer that question and so he had to wait. It was a long wait. He was beginning to wonder if they might have forgotten about them when the door opened and they were called back into the Chamber.

The members of the Council looked as if they had aged a decade in these last few hours. The majority of them weren’t looking at them, their eyes focused on a point somewhere behind them or at the hands clasped upon their laps in a way that was probably supposed to make them appear wise and indifferent to the situation. All Anakin could think of was _cowards_.

He entered the room and knew what they would say. He could feel the words in the tension of the room, he could read them in those oh so empty expressions. His pulse was rushing through his ears and he felt as if he were walking on cotton. He couldn’t look at Obi-Wan because he knew he would feel the same and he would know what the Council had decided just as well as Anakin did. He felt terribly stupid all of a sudden.

“We’ve come to a decision,” Master Windu declared. His gaze wandered over the Council, a hint of disapproval in his eyes. “I should mention it wasn’t an easy one, though the majority have come to agree with it.”

He cleared his throat.

“Obi-Wan Kenobi, your genetic predisposition makes it impossible for the Council to allow you to keep your rank and place among the Jedi and the Grand Army of the Republic. We choose to ignore the crimes you committed and won’t turn you over to the Republic court due to your past achievements and outstanding services in the Clone Wars. However, you _will_ be expelled from the Jedi Order. Please hand over your lightsaber and-“

“You can’t do that!” Anakin didn’t notice he was speaking until he could hear his own voice echo in the room. A few heads turned to look at him, though he couldn’t have cared less. He stepped forward, his hands clenched into trembling fists.

“This is ridiculous,” he growled, unable to stay silent because he knew Obi-Wan, too proud, too law-abiding, wouldn’t say anything against it. Because he knew it was his fault this was happening in the first place. Because the guilt running through him would have swallowed him up if he hadn’t tried to argue. This wasn’t what he had wanted for Obi-Wan.

“I’ve always known you’re scared of change but this decision is just plain stupid. This war is far from over. Do you really want to lose your best general?”

_Anakin, don’t_ , ran through his mind like a cold wave extinguishing his fire. Though, he only realised after a long moment that it had been Obi-Wan sending his thoughts to him. Their gazes met and there was a silent plea in Obi-Wan’s eyes, hidden behind layers and layers of faked confidence. Anakin, feeling numb, shook his head with the tiniest of motions, not as an answer but as a sign of helplessness, because what else could he do if not argue? What else could he do to help him?

If Obi-Wan’s gaze hadn’t already been enough to silence him, Mace Windu’s would have done the job. His glare was a warning. _Do not overstep your competences_ , it told him.

“Anakin Skywalker, the Council also decided to grant your request. Would you like us to reconsider that decision?”

There were a hundred things Anakin wanted to tell him. What he said was none of them. He clenched his teeth and took a deep breath and somehow managed to suppress enough of his anger to speak in a normal, if slightly strangled voice.

“No, Master.”

_You won’t lose him_ , the alpha inside of him whispered, smiling, relieved, and yet Anakin couldn’t bring himself to be happy about it. He had failed. He had failed Obi-Wan.

~


	5. The Life Of An Omega

~

**5**

~

**_The Life Of An Omega_ **

~

The woman’s lips – coloured a slightly darker blue than the rest of her skin – were moving in a slow pace, as if she were making an effort to pronounce every syllable with utmost care. There was a small scar at her chin and Obi-Wan wondered how she could have gotten it. It was thin and jagged, so it couldn’t be from a lightsaber. A knife probably. Had it been a self-inflicted accident or a battle? A mission?

He couldn’t remember ever seeing her on the battlefield. He couldn’t remember ever seeing her at all, but maybe that wasn’t so strange. There were a lot of Jedi he didn’t know. Or maybe his mind had chosen to ignore her. She was part of the only aspect of his life he would rather like to forget after all. However, ignoring her wasn’t possible anymore, it seemed.

Her lips stopped moving and he looked up, meeting raised brows and an expectant gaze. Obi-Wan felt his neck tingling and he suppressed the urge to rub it. He licked his lips, willing himself to focus.

“My apologies, I… uh…” He gave her a small smile. “Well… to be honest I wasn’t quite listening. I’m sorry. Could you please repeat yourself?”

“Oh.” Her grey eyes widened. “Of course, Master Keno-eh, I mean…”

“You can call me Obi-Wan,” he hurried to say before this conversation could get any more awkward than it already was. “Titles never mattered much to me anyway.”

A lilac blush was spreading over her cheeks as the woman – Aisha Blackmoor, he remembered now – continued speaking.

“Alright.” She nodded maybe a bit too enthusiastically, a friendly sparkle in her eyes. She must be older than him but she still had the playful air of a child clinging to her, especially when her smile showed a dimple in her right cheek.

Obi-Wan felt as if he should try to make her job easier. Maybe he should make an effort to listen to what she had to say. It could only be helpful. Moreover, she was one of the few Jedi who were still looking into his eyes while talking to him and she had kept her staring to a minimum, which was far more than what he could say about the handful of other Jedi he had encountered since the Council meeting. He still felt mostly like himself around her.

However, he couldn’t help but feel as if her words were fading from his memory as soon as she had spoken them, his mind refusing to acknowledge them. He didn’t want to listen to her and he couldn’t bring himself to do so, no matter how hard he tried to ignore that feeling.

Aisha was the Order’s supervisor of everything omega-related. She gave lessons on secondary genders and made sure the rules surrounding the mates of Jedi were being followed. Most importantly, though, she helped those mates getting used to their new lives, explaining the rules to them and answering their questions. And now she had been sent to help him as well, it seemed.

Obi-Wan suppressed a grimace. He had a hard time seeing himself as one of _them_. He wondered if he ever would. Nevertheless, the Council had made him promise to go and listen to her and to make daily reports on what he had learned. Officially, to make the transition easier. However, Obi-Wan couldn’t help but think they were scared he would decide to rebel and reject those rules and they thought Aisha could convince him not to do such a thing. If that was the case, well, they weren’t wrong.

Still, he couldn’t bring himself to do much at the moment. He was tired. He didn’t want to end up in court, knowing nobody would listen to him anyway. The day had drained every ounce of energy out of him and it wasn’t even over yet.

“I was saying you have a lot of catching up to do but I’m sure you won’t have a problem. Many things are down to intuition – we can learn them but we probably would have done the right thing anyway. You really don’t have to be worried.”

“I’m not worried.” Obi-Wan crossed his arms. “Just… just tell me what you need to tell me, please.”

Why was he here again? Ah, right, to learn how to be a good, submissive omega to his alpha. What a farce. He didn’t want to learn what kind of food you should avoid when expecting a child and what the symptoms of pregnancy were. He didn’t want to learn how to make the best out of the time of his heat because he had no wish to experience it again, not when the last time had left such a bitter taste in his mouth.

It was ridiculous to think he was expected to sit through a lesson of such unnecessary knowledge or maybe tend to the flowers of a small garden while waiting for Anakin to come home when he should be fighting by his side instead. There was a war going on. Did they think he would just forget it existed?

His skin was itching as if it were too small for his body, unfitting and stifling, and he knew he wasn’t supposed to be here. All of this, it should have never happened. He didn’t feel like an omega. He didn’t want to be an omega. Why did his body have to betray him like this?

Maybe he shouldn’t have agreed to Anakin’s request. However, standing in front of the Council that, caught in a web of traditions, could have never considered letting him stay, he had felt a shadow of fear in the back of his mind, easy to hide, but nonetheless real.

He had known they would expel him from the Order - that had always been the only possibility - and he had known it would leave him with nothing. He would have been forced to go to one of those questionable schools for omegas who didn’t have the credits to afford a private facility. Avoiding that fate would have left him with no other choice but to escape to some small and insignificant planet where nobody would know him, if that even existed. He would have been forced to live on the streets, hoping to get suppressants again, hoping police-droids wouldn’t pay attention to him. If he had been lucky, he would have been able to rebuild his life.

Maybe he wouldn’t have been that lucky, though. It was dangerous for omegas to venture into the galaxy on their own, unbonded or not. You never knew who might be looking for a mate and didn’t care for their consent, and the galaxy knew Obi-Wan Kenobi, friends and foes alike.

Obi-Wan couldn’t have risked that. He had chosen Anakin – because he knew him, because he felt safe with him, or used to feel safe with him at least. Because he had needed something to hold onto when facing an uncertain future, and Anakin had been there, reaching out a hand. Even if he had been the one to throw him down the cliff in the first place, how could Obi-Wan not take it?

“Follow me,” Aisha said. “We’ll get you to your new home. You’ll like it. It’s much bigger than what the betas and unbound alphas get. Of course, that’s because it’s designed for two, but it’s really nicely furnished, trust me. I’ve never had anyone complaining…”

Obi-Wan wasn’t listening anymore. He followed her with a heavy heart and a lump in his throat that didn’t want to go away. He had never felt more lost in his life.

Aisha was right. The apartment was nice. That was, if you cared about having the newest technologies like a shower with the possibility to have perfumed or coloured water run down your back or a large screen made to show whatever planet surface you wanted to look at, real-life visuals guaranteed. There was a large living room, an already well stocked kitchen, a refresher with both the aforementioned shower and a bathtub big enough for two tall humans, a bedroom with an antechamber, and a tastefully decorated veranda.

It was way too big and luxurious to Obi-Wan’s liking, a glaring contrast to the Jedi’s life of humility and modesty. He couldn’t help but think the Senate might have forked out some money for the apartment complex, this golden cage. It would make sense. He knew the names of most of the omegas who were living here, all of them the mates of Jedi, and quite a few of them were the children of influential politicians or entrepreneurs. Of course, they wouldn’t want their kids to live in a damp and dusty shack, even less when those children couldn’t just leave it so easily.

That was one of the first things Aisha had told him about this place. She had tried to cloak the truth in pretty euphemisms but Obi-Wan had seen right through them. Some might find comfort in knowing there were guards circling the streets making sure no stranger could enter the complex but he only felt even more imprisoned. Even worse, he couldn’t go outside without anyone knowing about it and he wasn’t even allowed to leave the building at night without his mate. They had implemented that rule after an assassin had created a bloodbath to get revenge on a Jedi. More security, less freedom.

When he had first heard about all of that, he had thought Aisha was making a joke or maybe a really unlucky comparison. When he had realised, she was serious, he had only been able to weakly shake his head, speechless. He had thought he already knew what disastrous lives omegas were forced to lead but it appeared he still had a lot to learn. It wasn’t a good thought.

When Aisha finally left, with a smile and a cheerful _see you tomorrow_ , Obi-Wan was relieved. He preferred to be alone to her more and more irritating, obnoxiously upbeat presence, though he soon realised he didn’t want to be alone _here_.

This apartment felt wrong, just as wrong as its implications. He couldn’t help but yearn for the simpleness of the Temple even though he knew he wasn’t allowed to be there anymore. He wanted his lightsaber back. Handing it over had hurt even more than having to admit to be an omega. He felt as if he had lost a limp, only phantom pain and a horrible sense of loss remaining. It was ironic to think of the many times he had warned Anakin not to lose it. It was ironic to think of the many lives he had saved with it, only for it to gather dust now. He almost wanted to laugh.

Obi-Wan sat down on the sofa and could hear his own heartbeat, a steady _thump-thump-thump_. It was too quiet. He tried to free his mind, wondering if he might be able to meditate, and failed to find his inner calm. His thoughts were startled animals, both running wild and frozen, and he felt irritated for no real reason. He closed his eyes and saw the Council. He heard their words, an endless echo.

_I’m no Jedi anymore_ , he realised, suddenly, and the thought left a bitter taste in his mouth. He felt cold. What was left of him now that the Jedi was gone? How could be still be himself when such an integrant part of his being had been torn from him? How could he go on?

When he rose, his whole body was shaking and he had to take a few deep breaths to get a hold of himself again. He felt restless, caged. The urge to run rang through his body and he made a few steps towards the door until he remembered he couldn’t leave. He wouldn’t know where to go. Still, he couldn’t just wait and do nothing. He needed something to occupy his mind, to keep himself from going insane.

Maybe that was why he went to the refresher and opened cupboard after cupboard until he found what he was looking for. He looked at his own face in the mirror, at the dull, empty eyes and the dark shadows beneath them, at the waxen skin, at the flat, colourless hair. It didn’t look like him. It couldn’t be him. There was a shadow of pain, of desperation, in those strange eyes. He let out a strangled sigh and went to work.

He was done shortly before he heard the door open, the sound loud in the silence. He froze even though he knew it could only be one person. Maybe because he knew it could only be one person. Anakin. He could feel him even without looking into the Force. There was no doubt. Taking a deep breath, he turned to go to the living room to face him.

Anakin looked at him as soon as he entered the room and his eyes widened. The words he must have wanted to say seemed to flee from his mind because the silence remained unbroken, his lips ajar.

Obi-Wan had to resist the urge to rub his neck when Anakin kept staring at him without a word. It couldn’t look that bad, could it? Even if It did, that didn’t excuse such a ridiculous reaction. Obi-Wan crossed his arms, was about to say something, when Anakin raised his voice after all.

“Your beard.”

Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. “Don’t be so shocked. You’ve already seen me shaved, remember?”

“Yes, I know, but…” Anakin lost his voice once more, frowning. His eyes wandered over Obi-Wan’s face with such an intense gaze Obi-Wan thought he must be burning him with it. He was surprised to find some kind of sadness inside it.

“I didn’t expect it,” Anakin muttered. He didn’t say _you look different_ but Obi-Wan could read the words in his eyes. He didn’t know if he should be happy or disappointed. It didn’t really matter, did it? He didn’t have a real reason for shaving off his beard anyway, at least none he could give Anakin. Fortunately, Anakin didn’t seem to want to continue this conversation. He let out a sigh and crossed the distance between them.

“They told me you’re not allowed to go outside. Is that true?”

Obi-Wan met his gaze for the tiniest of moments, then looked away. He licked his lips. “Effectively, yes.”

Anakin looked as if he had slapped him. His face was white, his gaze darkening. A shudder ran through him and he bared his teeth, anger rolling off him in clashing waves. If Obi-Wan had still been his Master, he might have warned him to get a grip on his emotions.

“They can’t do that,” Anakin growled, his eyes glowing, burning. “Aren’t there some kind of laws against this kind of thing? How can you stay so calm? This should be illegal! I… I’ll talk to the Chancellor. They can’t go through with this. It’s… it’s…”

The word ended in a groan. Anakin shook his head, a grimace of pain twisting his face. Somehow, Obi-Wan couldn’t help but think he wasn’t just talking about the nightly curfew. He barely grazed the storm that was Anakin’s feelings and could sense his guilt as if he had been screaming it out loud. It was almost enough to make him feel sorry for him.

“I don’t think there’s anything you can do,” Obi-Wan said, more coldly than he had intended. “You’ve done more than enough, don’t you think?”

Anakin stiffened. When he turned his head to look at Obi-Wan, the anguish in his eyes grasped him with an iron grip and swallowed him right up.

“I’m sorry,” he rasped. “That’s what you want to hear, right? Well, fine, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You were right about the Council and I was wrong. I’m sorry, I really am. I didn’t want this to happen to you.”

Obi-Wan looked at him and he couldn’t be angry. He couldn’t be sad. He just felt numb, strangely detached from his body, as if he were just a ghost trying to wander among the living. He exhaled slowly.

“I know,” he murmured. It was true. In his own self-centred way, Anakin had been trying to help him. There was some sense in his reasons, there was some sense in the Council’s reasons, he knew that. Still, he also knew the problem was so much more complex than they tried to present it. They disregarded his feelings. They disregarded him, him and all of those who were like him. Omegas were second-class citizens, that became more and more obvious.

“Did you talk to Padmé?”

If possible, Anakin tensed up even more. He averted his gaze. “Yes… and no. I didn’t tell her about us yet… it didn’t feel right to just call her. We meet tomorrow.”

_That’s good_ , Obi-Wan should have said. She deserved that much. However, he couldn’t bring himself to say the words. A pang of guilt blossomed in his chest. And, strangely, there was also frustration. He knew he couldn’t change the past and yet a part of him couldn’t help but wonder: What if it had been different?

He clenched his teeth. He didn’t need to ask that question, did he? He already knew the answer. If Padmé had been an omega, Anakin would have chosen her. There was no doubt about that. Anakin could deny it, he could claim to love him, it didn’t change the truth.

“It really is unfortunate, isn’t it?” Obi-Wan said. “That she’s a beta.”

A small, mean part of him, a part that horrified him, wanted to blame her. Because if Anakin had already had a mate, he wouldn’t have reacted that way to him on Gatalenta and Obi-Wan wouldn’t have lost the only life he had ever known. Because it was so much easier to blame someone else than himself. Anakin gave him a long look. He didn’t answer.

_I know I’m only second best to you_ , Obi-Wan thought with a grim smile. _You can’t be with her the way you want and that’s why you’ve put me into this situation. That’s why I’m here when it should have been Padmé_. The thought really shouldn’t upset him that much.

“You know I can’t replace her,” he muttered. “I won’t ever be like her.”

“You don’t need to.”

Anakin stepped closer and lifted his hand to let his fingers run over Obi-Wan’s cheek and chin. It felt strange, now that he was shaved, more intimate somehow. The hand was too close, too warm. The touch left a tingling sensation on his skin. Anakin chuckled softly.

“It’s not that bad, really,” he said. Amusement shone in his gaze. “Still, I think I prefer you with beard. Not that I don’t think you’re handsome anyway…”

He smiled and before Obi-Wan could do anything about it, Anakin leaned down to kiss him. It was both strange and familiar, like a distant memory you only really recalled now. Obi-Wan knew what it was like to kiss him but he hadn’t really been himself the last time. Heat-induced desire had clouded his mind, had made him dizzy and unfocused.

Now, he could feel Anakin’s lips, could feel how soft and warm they were against his own, how nice it was to be connected in this way, and his heart was beating in his throat. In that moment Anakin didn’t kiss him because he was an omega, but because he wanted to kiss him. It was nice to give in to the illusion that it had never been any other way, that Anakin wasn’t just infatuated with him because he had turned out to be an omega. Heat crept up his cheeks. There was a rush of nervousness in his stomach area, and a spark of something else.

Anakin was still smiling when he stepped away from him. It was a nice smile. It was almost enough to make Obi-Wan forget about the situation he was in. Of course, that was when Anakin had to go and ruin it.

“You know, I was beginning to get doubts… but, well…” His smile widened. “You and I… it just feels right. Maybe it was supposed to be this way. Just think about it… we could’ve really strong children. With your smarts and my fighting skills, they’d be invincible. They’d be really strong with the Force as well.”

Obi-Wan’s heart dropped. He stared at him as if Anakin had told him he had decided to only eat raw meat from now on. He couldn’t be serious, could he?

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan said slowly, carefully. He waited until Anakin met his gaze, a frown forming on his face, before he continued. “I don’t want to have children.”

Anakin’s expression darkened almost unnoticeably, a question burning in his eyes.

“There’s a war going on. Why should I want to force anyone to grow up under these circumstances?” Obi-Wan shook his head, suppressing a shudder. “Also… I just don’t feel comfortable with the idea. I never did. I… I’m going to buy contraceptive pills tomorrow.”

Anakin crossed his arms, his jaw a tense line. There wasn’t even the hint of a smile left. “You’re an omega. Shouldn’t you be overjoyed about the idea? Isn’t that kind of part of the deal?”

Obi-Wan froze. He waited for Anakin to read the tension of the room, to realise what he had said and to apologise, but it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen. Obi-Wan clenched his teeth. No word seemed to be right. What could he possibly say to such a display of arrogance and ignorance?

With great effort, he tore his gaze away from Anakin. He walked past him without a second glance and let himself fall on the cream-coloured sofa. Closing his eyes, he lifted a hand to rub his face, sighing.

Anakin was so young. Obi-Wan often forgot how young he really was. Age faded into the background when you had to fight for your life constantly and Anakin’s skills and experience made it so easy to ignore how much younger he was. That was until he said something like that and Obi-Wan felt as if he were talking to a child. 

“Do you also think I should start knitting or cooking or gardening now?” he muttered, unable to suppress his irritation. “Do you expect me to agree to everything you say, to wash your clothes and clean the apartment while you’re away? After all, I’m an omega and omegas are submissive and devoted to their alphas. They can’t possibly have wishes or opinions of their own. Right?”

“That… that’s not what I wanted to say, Obi-Wan. You know that!”

_Do I?_ Obi-Wan thought, frowning. He had never felt more miserable.

“I like that you’re different,” Anakin reassured him. “I don’t want you to change, believe me. You… you said you don’t want to have children because of the war, that’s fine, really. I can wait.”

Obi-Wan stayed silent. _You don’t need to wait_ , he could have said. _I won’t change my opinion_. However, he felt more exhausted than after a day on the battlefield and he didn’t want to fight anymore. Not today. Never again. His head was aching softly, tension pulling at his temples. If he didn’t even have Anakin on his side, who was left there?

His chest began to hurt when a familiar face ran through his memory. Qui-Gon Jinn would have supported him. He would have spoken to the Council on his behalf. He would have understood. However, his late Master was dead.

_I am still myself_ , Obi-Wan reminded himself, taking a deep breath. _I’m a Jedi, no matter what everyone else likes to think. I have the Force. I’ll always have the Force. I won’t give in to desperation… there is no emotion, there is peace._

He exhaled slowly, consciously. The anger and frustration trickled away like water and he didn’t try to stop them. He simply let the emotions go, let them flow back into the Force, welcoming serenity. The road before him was rocky and uneven, though there was no other left. He would accept it and he would smile and raise his chin and he would walk on. It was possible. It had to be.

~


	6. Blindfolded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I won't have my laptop over the weekend, I'm uploading the new chapter now. Thanks for the support <3

~

**6**

~

**_Blindfolded_ **

~

Anakin had a strange dream.

There weren’t any scenes or pictures like a dream they should have. There was only darkness, the kind of darkness that was alive, that made you tense up with horrible anticipation, waiting for whatever was lurking inside to attack. A shudder ran through him and the ground began to shake beneath his feet, rifts opening up. An earthquake. He couldn’t see, still, but there was a whisper, distant, muffled as if coming from an old hologram.

… _revenge._

He woke up, blinking into the darkness of the room, confused. His teeth were clenched hard enough for his jaw to hurt and there was a soft throbbing pain in the back of his head. However, sleep was already pulling him back into its arms and, tired as he was, he wanted to give in, shoving away those fragments of a dream.

That was when his gaze wandered to the side, out of a deeply buried instinct maybe, and he saw Obi-Wan. It was no surprise to see him, they had gone to bed together after all. However, Obi-Wan wasn’t sleeping. Instead, he was sitting upright, colourful lights from outside the window dancing over his face and the wide, unseeing eyes. His hands were clutching the blankets as if he were trying to dig through the fabric. Anakin realised it hadn’t been his dream after all. It had been Obi-Wan’s.

His heart stopped. He could feel Obi-Wan’s distress through their bond and it was enough to make worry run through him. He rose and placed a hand on Obi-Wan’s tense arm, hoping to comfort him. Obi-Wan winced. The touch made him snap out of his stupor, seemed to bring him back from wherever he had been and into this bedroom again. He shook his head and his eyes found Anakin.

“Are you alright?”

Obi-Wan took a long while to answer. The distant noise of a landing shuttle echoed in the night.

“No,” he said. “Something’s wrong. The Force is in disarray. I felt… darkness.”

There seemed to be more to that. Anakin tilted his head, waiting, though Obi-Wan didn’t elaborate. Sighing, Anakin moved closer to him and let his hand wander to his shoulder, drawing gentle circles on his skin, unable to stop himself. His mate shouldn’t be worried, especially not when he was there to help him.

It was a good feeling when Obi-Wan didn’t back away from him, though Anakin knew he would have if it hadn’t been for that disturbance in the Force capturing his attention. The last day hadn’t been a success in regards to their relationship. Though, that was something he would have to think about in the future, if the problem didn’t solve itself. Anakin hoped it would solve itself. Nevertheless, if Obi-Wan needed him right now, he would be there for him, no matter what.

“Do you want me to go and talk to the Council?” Anakin asked. Obi-Wan exhaled slowly, the sound loud in the silence.

“No,” he murmured, closing his eyes. “I don’t think that’s necessary…”

With that, he shook off Anakin’s hand and lay down again, this time facing the wall. Anakin knew Obi-Wan wouldn’t be able to sleep for a long while, he could feel his erratic state without making an effort, but he also knew Obi-Wan wouldn’t continue this conversation and he wouldn’t accept his offer of comfort.

Anakin sighed. He had no choice but to pull his hand back even though he would have much rather followed the lines of Obi-Wan’s muscles, maybe snuggle up against him, hold him, protect him from whatever might want to harm him.

A deep sense of sadness trickled through his body and made the corners of his mouth sink down. There was bitterness as well. He must be the only alpha in the galaxy who got rejected by their omega even after they had formed a bond, not only once but over and over again.

_I must be a masochist_ , Anakin thought. However, he couldn’t bring himself to truly regret the decisions he had made. It was for the best of them. Yes, the Council’s decision could and should have been better but, still… it wasn’t entirely unreasonable. It wasn’t entirely bad. If Obi-Wan could only see the advantages… they might be able to stop fighting each other and focus on what really was important. Who knew, maybe the Council would see reason and invite him back into the Order.

Obi-Wan couldn’t keep up this behaviour forever, could he? Anakin clenched his teeth. He had already apologised. Obi-Wan was bound to forgive him. It couldn’t take much more time. He would forgive him and they could be a couple, a real couple. There was no other way.

When Anakin fell asleep again, he didn’t dream. In the morning, during an uncomfortably silent breakfast that Obi-Wan spent frowning and unwilling to talk to him, Anakin remembered Ahsoka. His face grew hot. He hadn’t once thought about her since they had returned from Gatalenta even though she was his Padawan, even though he was supposed to care about her.

She would leave the medcenter that day. He should go and see her. He should have already gone yesterday. Somehow, though, he had never felt less apt to that seemingly easy task. If he couldn’t even get a grip on his own life, how could he be a role model for someone else? Even worse, she would probably ask about Obi-Wan and he didn’t know what to tell her. It was strange. He had always known how to talk to her, what had changed?

Anakin frowned. No, he would go. Right now. If Obi-Wan didn’t want to talk to him, his loss. Ahsoka would be glad to see him, surely. Maybe Obi-Wan would even use the time to finish pondering whatever he was thinking about. Wouldn’t that be a pleasant surprise for once?

~

When Anakin found Ahsoka, she was waiting with crossed arms and a bored expression for the medical droid to finish its final assessment. Her right arm, which had been bandaged for the last couple of days, lay free again with only a hint of a bruise reminding of the recent injury.

The droid gave a last nod and made a few notes on its datapad, though Ahsoka was already on her feet. She always had a hard time waiting for injuries to heal. She clenched her teeth and worked through the pain rather than risking other people getting hurt because she wasn’t there to help them. Anakin couldn’t suppress a small smile. She was just as stubborn as he himself.

Ahsoka turned to the door and a grin appeared on her lips, joy illuminating her face. “Master!”

Anakin returned the grin, relieved. Maybe the Council hadn’t yet announced Obi-Wan’s expulsion from the Order or maybe they didn’t want anyone to be concerned and were keeping it a secret for as long as possible. However, when Ahsoka crossed the distance between them, he could make out a shadow flickering through her eyes. Her smile was fading.

“I wasn’t sure if you were here,” she said. “I knew you had a mission with Obi-Wan… but, well, someone told me you came back earlier. I heard Barriss took over that mission and… there were rumours…”

She furrowed her brows and Anakin felt his stomach twist. He had to force himself to keep a straight face and even then, he couldn’t help but think every single thought of him lay bare before her. His gaze wandered around the room. The war was keeping it busy. No day went by without another few broken bones and blaster wounds. There were always too many Jedi in need of medical help here and this time was no exception.

“Eh… yeah.” Anakin shrugged, faking a smile. “Why don’t we talk about that outside, hm?”

Before Ahsoka could look into his face and read the truth in his eyes, he turned around and gestured to her to follow him. He could hear her steps behind him as they left the room and turned into a wide, light-flooded hallway.

“You’re tense,” Ahsoka noted. The lightness had fled from her voice, leaving only hard syllables and concern. “Something’s wrong, isn’t it? I can feel it. Tell me, Anakin. Please... I want to help.”

Anakin bit his bottom lip, fighting with the words waiting in his throat. There were too many Jedi here. If they didn’t already know about Obi-Wan and him, he didn’t want to deliver the news. Nevertheless, it was only a question of time until the rumours became reality, until everyone would know the reason why Jedi Master Kenobi wasn’t at the Temple anymore, and Ahsoka was his Padawan. It wouldn’t be right if she learned the truth from anyone but him.

“It’s Obi-Wan, isn’t it?”

Anakin faltered. He stopped, heart beating in his throat, and turned around to face Ahsoka. He couldn’t meet her gaze and when he spoke, his tone was colder than intended. “What did you hear?”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened.

“No,” she whispered to herself, softly shaking her head. “Don’t tell me it’s true… Obi-Wan… he didn’t leave the Order, did he? He… he wouldn’t…”

Anakin’s didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. That was what those rumours had been about? They thought it had been Obi-Wan’s decision to leave the Jedi Order? Who had brought up that stupid idea?

He scoffed. No one who had exchanged as much as a few words with Obi-Wan would believe he would choose to leave the Order, especially not at the peak of a galactic war. But maybe the Council knew that. Maybe they welcomed every excuse to hide the truth for as long as possible, until they knew how to handle it. After all, something like this had never happened before. It shouldn’t have happened. Maybe they were trying to bury the traces of a mistake that was theirs just as much as it was Obi-Wan’s and his own.

It wouldn’t work, of course. A secret like that couldn’t be kept. They were already whispering about Obi-Wan and him. How long until strangers would ask him about Obi-Wan’s well-being?

Taking a deep breath, Anakin shoved those thoughts away and focused on Ahsoka again. There was no way he would tell her the truth in the middle of a busy hallway. He glanced to his right and gave a small nod. That should do.

Ahsoka let out a soft gasp when he grasped her arm and pulled her into the small room. It had been used for sparring lessons once but its size and odd location hadn’t made it too popular among the Jedi and nowadays it gathered dust or was used by younglings playing hide and seek. There was still a carpet on the floor but it had lost most of its colour.

Anakin closed the door and made sure it stayed shut before he turned around. If possible, Ahsoka was looking even more confused now.

“Obi-Wan didn’t leave the Order,” Anakin said. “The Council expelled him.”

“What?!” Noticing her mistake, Ahsoka bit her lip and lowered her voice. “Why would they do that? Of all the Jedi I know… I can’t think of anything Obi-Wan might have done wrong, much less of something that could’ve led to him being expelled.”

Anakin felt his neck tingle and suppressed the urge to rub it. “It’s… it’s complicated…”

“Don’t tell me you think it was right of them to do that,” Ahsoka muttered, fire in her eyes. “You’re his friend. You should be on his side. There’s no way he’s a criminal.”

Anakin winced.

“Of course I don’t think so,” he grumbled, more angry with himself than with her. She was right. He hadn’t been a good friend to Obi-Wan, not if you asked Obi-Wan at least. However, what could he have done differently? Who said this wasn’t the best possible outcome of a conflict that had been twenty years in waiting?

“Just listen to me, Snips.” He gave her a dark look. “It isn’t as easy as you might think it is.”

He took another breath, his mind reeling. What would be the right way to explain the situation? How could he explain it to Ahsoka if he couldn’t even explain it to himself?

He sighed. If there was no right way, any way would have to do.

“Ahsoka, you, uh…” Anakin licked his lips. “You’ve presented as an alpha last year. Do you know what that means?”

Ahsoka wrinkled her nose, grimacing. “Please… don’t give me that talk. You know we have extra lessons for that... also, what does this have to do with Obi-Wan?”

“They probably told you in those lessons there are no omegas in the Order. Right?”

Ahsoka frowned. She looked as if she wanted to repeat her question, but, maybe because of his serious tone, maybe because of something she saw in his eyes, she didn’t do it.

“Yeah… they said it’s because omegas aren’t supposed to fight,” she said with a flat voice. “It’s in their nature to bear children and care for them.”

Anakin tensed up, remembering last night. Hadn’t he said something similar? That Obi-Wan should want to have children because he was an omega? Obi-Wan hadn’t reacted too well to that. Anakin exhaled slowly.

“They’ve been wrong. There are omegas in the Order. Well, there was one at least… Obi-Wan.”

Ahsoka’s eyes widened. “How is that possible?”

“He took suppressants to mask his scent and present himself as a beta…,” Anakin explained, watching his Padawan with wary eyes. This was the easy part. He knew it would only get worse from here. “His Master Qui-Gon Jinn – he died before you came to the Temple – helped him.”

“You’re telling me they’ve expelled him just because he’s an omega?” Ahsoka shook her head, her body shaking with anger, begging him to disagree. “Are you serious?!”

Anakin forced himself to keep a straight face. “That’s what happened.”

“But t-that’s…”

Ahsoka froze, lowering her gaze. A new thought must have reached her mind, a thought she didn’t like and yet one she couldn’t shake off, no matter how hard she tried. When she looked up, her expression was tense and her lips formed a thin line, the barest hint of nervousness in her eyes.

“Why does the Council even know about him? If Obi-Wan put so much effort into keeping his secret, he wouldn’t just tell them the truth, right?”

She tilted her head and her eyes narrowed almost unnoticeably. “Why do _you_ know about him?”

“I… I was there at the meeting.”

_I was the one who told them about Obi-Wan,_ he could have said. _I was the one who forced him to leave his old life behind._

“Why?” Ahsoka asked.

Anakin turned to face the window, watching the lights and blurred outlines of high buildings in the distance. He crossed his arms, willing the emotions out of his voice. “Alphas can ask the Council for permission to take a mate… I was there to do that.”

“You were… no…”

Anakin wasn’t looking at her but he could hear when she sucked in breath, when the confusion disappeared from her voice, leaving a shock intense enough to make the Force pulsate around them. A part of Anakin was glad he didn’t have to spell it out for her.

“The mate…,” Ahsoka whispered. “It’s Obi-Wan.”

“I didn’t plan it,” Anakin murmured. Even to his own ears it sounded like a lame excuse. “The Gatalentan idea of a vacation is a bit different than ours… and, well… one thing led to the other-“

“You got Obi-Wan expelled!” Ahsoka snapped. The accusation in her voice was enough to make Anakin wince. “You told the Council about him and it’s because of you he had to leave. I thought you were friends… how could you do that, Anakin?”

Anakin clenched his hands, unable to stay calm. Why was everyone blaming him for this situation? No matter what he did, it was wrong. It was always him who was the bad guy. Mace Windu and the Council thought that way and Obi-Wan thought that way and now Ahsoka as well. Why was he even trying to help anymore?

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” he said. “It was the only way, Ahsoka. The best way. Obi-Wan wouldn’t have been able to keep his secret forever… it had to happen someday. If Obi-Wan has to end up with a mate, it should be me. I can help him. I can keep him safe. I never wanted him to leave the Order, believe me, but if that’s what it takes… I will accept it.”

“No… I don’t agree… what you’ve done was wrong, Anakin. It should’ve been Obi-Wan’s choice,” Ahsoka said, her voice trembling. “Where’s he? I need to talk to him. He needs to know I’m on his side.”

Anakin scoffed, turning his head to fixate her with a dark gaze.

“What makes you think he doesn’t agree with me?” he asked even though he knew Obi-Wan’s opinion on the matter all too well. Maybe he only said it out of spite. “You forget he _is_ my mate now. He gave his consent before the Council.”

Uncertainty flickered through Ahsoka’s eyes, but when she raised her chin and spoke, it was gone.

“You forget I know him. Obi-Wan’s a Jedi. Maybe he’s an omega, all right, I don’t care. It doesn’t change who he is, deep down. It doesn’t change what he believes in and what he wants to fight for. You know that, Anakin! Please, we need to talk to the Council. They have to change their decision.”

Anakin looked at her and saw the same disbelief he himself had felt when he had listened to the Council. It was understandable, though nonetheless naive. Ahsoka hadn’t been at the meeting. She hadn’t been thinking about the matter as much as he had.

She said those things because she wanted to believe in them, just as Anakin had wanted to believe nothing would change, that Obi-Wan and he could still fight together as before, but was that right? Shouldn’t they ignore their affection for Obi-Wan and look at this situation objectively? What if it _was_ better for Obi-Wan to leave the Jedi Order, now that he wasn’t taking suppressants anymore? Now that they were mates?

Anakin thought about their past missions, thought about the risks they had taken and the dangers they had encountered. As an omega, Obi-Wan would go into heat once a month from now on. It would leave him defenceless and vulnerable and in no way able to fight off enemies. Anakin swallowed hard. What if he couldn’t be there to protect him? Or worse, what if someone decided to force themself on him and break their bond?

“No.” Anakin shook his head. “They won’t change their decision. Don’t try to make them. I didn’t tell you all of this so you can run off and do something you’ll certainly regret. I simply thought it would be fair to tell you the truth. After all, you did spend a lot of time with Obi-Wan… I’m sure you’ll see him again… but it won’t be on missions anymore.”

“Are you even listening to yourself?” Ahsoka was glaring at him, her hands trembling fists. “You don’t sound like yourself. The Anakin I know wouldn’t have done this. He would’ve fought for Obi-Wan. He wouldn’t have been this… selfish.”

Anakin felt cold, but not in a shocked, scared way. He felt cold because there was no warmth left inside of him. He couldn’t bring himself to be angry. He was done with apologising. He was done with trying to explain himself. If Ahsoka didn’t want to understand him, it was her problem.

“Calm down,” he told her. “You’re a Jedi. You should behave like one. I’ll give Obi-Wan your regards.”

He turned to the door. “I have to go to a meeting now. When we see each other again later, I hope you think twice about saying something like that… there’s no one in this galaxy who cares more about Obi-Wan than I do.”

He left the room without a last glance at Ahsoka. It was funny, really. Somehow this conversation had gone a thousand times worse than he had expected. When he left the Temple, it was still echoing in his mind, the whisper of a demon.

If there was something he really didn’t want to do now, it was listening to even more accusations and looking into even more disappointed faces. Still, he knew that was just what would happen if he told Padmé about Obi-Wan and him. Anakin grimaced. He felt as if he were running from one battlefield to another. He couldn’t catch a break, could he?

When he arrived at Padmé’s apartment, there was a storm raging in his mind, his thoughts as slippery as fishes, impossible to grasp. He didn’t feel as if he could have a normal conversation with anyone, let alone say what needed to be said to Padmé. He had never wanted less to talk to her and yet he knew he had already allowed far too much time to pass. He couldn’t keep this a secret from her. It wouldn’t be fair.

He took a deep breath and entered the lobby. Usually, the tastefully decorated room with its sofas was occupied by politicians – often senators such as Padmé herself – who came to discuss small or bigger problems of the galaxy. Now, though, there was only one person waiting for him.

Padmé was still beautiful. Her dark, voluminous hair was put into a complicated looking braid that left her ears naked and drew attention to the glimmering earrings hanging from them. Her blue dress fit her curves perfectly. The fabric was flowing around her body as naturally as if it belonged to it. She moved with a grace that only a few people could claim their own and even less knew how to use without appearing conceited.

Strangely, when Anakin looked at her, his heart wasn’t fluttering in the way it had in the past. He noted her beauty like he would note the beauty of a waterfall or a blossoming tree, objectively, without the nervousness and joy of love. He felt numb, as if he had lost something he couldn’t quite remember to have. He wondered if his bond with Obi-Wan was manipulating his feelings or if his mind was simply trying to brace itself for the inevitable impact. But maybe that didn’t matter. After all, he had already made his choice.

It could have been a meeting just like those they had had in the past, though the illusion shattered in the moment their gazes locked. Padmé wasn’t smiling at him. There was worry in her eyes. Fear. Sadness. Her brows were furrowed.

“I know what you want to tell me,” she said.

Anakin frowned, though Padmé continued speaking before he could get a word in.

“I might not be force-sensitive like you but I know you. I know your eyes. You’ve never looked at me like this… there can only be one reason why you’re here.”

She sighed and it was the kind of sigh that spoke of more things than words ever could. Anakin felt his mouth run dry, felt the sentences he had carefully prepared slip away. His tongue was too heavy to move. He could only listen.

Padmé took a breath that was just a bit too shaky. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

Anakin shook his head. He didn’t think he would get anything down at the moment. The smallest of smiles ran over Padmé’s lips, a flickering candle, soon extinguished.

“Maybe it’s better this way…,” she mumbled and Anakin couldn’t help but think she wasn’t talking about the tea anymore. “Well, let’s make it short then. You want to annul our marriage.”

Anakin froze. Somehow, it was worse to hear the words spoken out loud and it was even worse that it was Padmé who was saying them, her voice cold but trembling softly, just like ice threatening to break. It made it real. She was the last branch of an old life. Without it, there would be nothing that could stop his fall anymore. Would Obi-Wan be there to reach out a hand?

_He can’t despise me forever_ , Anakin thought, shoving his doubts into the far back of his mind. _We’re mates. That won’t change. We wouldn’t have been able to form a bond if he hadn’t had feelings for me as well. He wouldn’t have agreed to be my mate before the Council._

He looked at Padmé and he knew it had been the right decision. They weren’t compatible. She was a politician, he was a Jedi. She couldn’t truly understand him. They hadn’t been able to live together like a real couple would. They had always been hiding. He had lived in fear of both being expelled and losing her to one of her all too close male friends whenever he was away on a mission. Even if the Council had allowed him to be with her, she would still have been a beta.

He felt Obi-Wan’s presence even as he was standing here, their bond like sunshine engulfing him, warming him, giving him strength. It felt right. He hadn’t been able to miss something he had never experienced but now he realised he couldn’t live without it. Maybe other beings were different. Maybe there were successful alpha-beta couples out there, somewhere in the galaxy. He realised he couldn’t belong to them.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but wish he wouldn’t have to hurt Padmé. A part of him still loved her, albeit not in the same way he loved Obi-Wan, and it was like having to rip out his own heart. He exhaled slowly, releasing the feelings – his love for Padmé, his doubts, and regrets – into the Force.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

Padmé’s eyes lost the last resemblance of a sparkle. Maybe a part of her had been hoping he would deny it, that he would laugh about the possibility and declare he would never stop loving her. Maybe she hadn’t even realised that hope had still been there until that moment. There was no going back now.

“Well… I always knew it would happen… someday,” Padmé said. Her hand had found its way to a chair and was grasping its back as if it were the only thing keeping her standing. She looked so small now. She should have been older than him but her gaze was swimming with the helplessness of a young girl. “Ever since you presented. It was bound to happen. I… I don’t really blame you.”

Anakin had to resist the urge to walk up to her, to caress her cheek, to take her hand, to pull her into an embrace maybe. However, he knew it wouldn’t be appropriate. He knew she wouldn’t want him to do that. She would get over this. She was strong.

“You deserve true love, Padmé,” he said. “I care for you and I love you and I thought it would be enough but… it isn’t. It isn’t supposed to be. You were right to reject me back then.”

Padmé averted her eyes, her gaze distant, as if she weren’t in this room anymore. She took a deep breath and let go of the chair to walk to a close cabinet. “You have to sign these papers. I’ll do the rest.”

Anakin didn’t ask why she had already prepared them. Maybe he didn’t want to know. He took a pen and the papers from her and flipped through them with an empty gaze. He tried to read the text but his mind didn’t want to comprehend the words. They trickled out of his consciousness like fine sand through hands. He sighed. It didn’t matter. He didn’t need to read the papers to know what would be written inside.

He went to the sitting area and began to set down his name wherever it was necessary. Out of the corner of his eye he noticed Padmé sitting down opposite of him, her hands clasped upon her lap.

“You might be wondering why I was so sure you’d come here to ask that of me,” she said after a few moments of tense silence. “Bail saw you at the Jedi Order’s apartment complex… the one where the Jedi mates are.”

Anakin pretended to be focused on the papers, though he couldn’t keep himself from clenching his jaw. When he signed his name once more, the paper tore beneath the strength of his pen stroke.

“Can you tell me her name at least?”

Anakin’s heart dropped. He set down his name on the last page without really looking at it, the lines shaky and messy. It was only after he had put the pen and the signed papers back on the table that he allowed himself to meet Padmé’s gaze. Would she be shocked like the Council? Angry like Ahsoka?

“It’s no woman,” he corrected. “It’s… Obi-Wan.”

Padmé wasn’t shocked. She wasn’t angry. Her brows rose with the barest hint of surprise, but even that was gone soon, her face a mask of stone. Her eyes were flickering over his face as if searching for something. 

“I didn’t know he was an omega,” she said softly, lowering her gaze. Anakin didn’t have the strength to explain everything to her. He had repeated the same explanations over and over again, he was tired of them. If she wanted to know more, she would have to go to the Council.

“No one knew,” Anakin said, intending to leave it at that. He rose. It was only when he was standing in front of the door that would lead him forever away from the woman he had once loved more than his own life that he paused.

“You don’t seem to be surprised I chose Obi-Wan as my mate.”

There was a beat of silence, then Padmé’s voice filled the room once more, the syllables heavy with emotions that were impossible to decipher.

“I’m not surprised,” she said. “I know you love him. I always did.”

~

If Anakin thought the day couldn’t get any worse, he was mistaken.

As soon as he arrived at the Temple, a Jedi whose name he didn’t know told him Master Yoda was waiting for him. The woman was tense, urging him to hurry. It seemed to be important.

Master Yoda was waiting for him in front of a secluded meeting room and his expression was enough to concern Anakin. Usually, the Jedi Master kept his emotions out of his face, except from maybe amusement or stern caution. Now, though, the wrinkles in his forehead were deep and his eyes narrowed, dull. He only seemed to notice Anakin when he was standing right next to him and even then, he didn’t address him.

Anakin cleared his throat. A part of him remembered the strange disturbance in the Force the night before, though he tried not to think of that. He would know soon enough why he was here. “You asked for me, Master Yoda?”

“Yes… remember Qui-Gon Jinn’s death, do you?”

Anakin frowned. That had been… how many years ago? He had been just a boy, insecure, curious, excited. That had been the day he had become Obi-Wan’s Padawan. It seemed so long ago. The memory didn’t want to fit this new reality.

“I do,” Anakin said, eyeing Master Yoda warily. “It was a Sith. Darth Maul… Obi-Wan killed him.”

Yoda nodded solemnly. “Yes… and no. Not killed, he is, it seems… but alive, seeking vengeance. In danger your mate is.”

At first, Anakin didn’t want to believe it. His mind refused to see those words as more than the talk of a crazy man and the truth of them took hold of him only slowly. When it did, it didn’t let him go. Coldness rang through him, shards of ice, and there were claws grasping his heart, pressing. It was only when he began to feel dizzy that he remembered to breathe. The floor was wavering, his view blurry.

“That can’t be,” he rasped. At the same time his mind pulled him back into the darkness of Obi-Wan’s dream, repeating that horrible whisper like the hiss of a poisonous snake, _revenge_. The Force was screaming around him.

Master Yoda didn’t say more, instead gesturing to Anakin to follow him into the room. A hologram message was waiting for them. Well, not really for them, it turned out, but for Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan, who wasn’t a Jedi anymore. Obi-Wan, who wasn’t supposed to fight anymore. Obi-Wan, who wouldn’t want anyone to die for him, no matter what.

“There will be more innocent blood on your hands, Kenobi,” the old enemy said. “Unless you come here. Face me. Come alone, and if you do not…”

The scared whimpering of bound people. The sizzling sound of an activated lightsaber. The endless silence of death.

“This world… _will burn_.”

~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Last lines are taken from the Clone Wars episode, you surely remember it :P


End file.
